its been too long. the hols have flown by and so has half of this sem. having experienced the hardest most taxing period when D&D neared. it was a hell of a time, with countless sleepless nights and crazy days running around everywhere. having to shoulder all responsibilities cos, eventually it was i who would have to answer should anything go wrong.

this sem. well, it has been a surprisingly pleasant experience so far. i do miss having more lessons sometimes though. as weird as it may sound, yes, im serious about that.

ive been a happy girl lately. :) its been a long while since and the feeling is awesome. the ability to trust without having 2nd thoughts.
but it's always a case of having expectations. too high ones. and that has to change i guess. it just brings insecurity with it, and also with not having enough confidence in myself. maybe reassuarance is all it takes.

but i'm loving it all right now! :) and sadly, the exams are nearing.

need time for my personal life, but im missing my friends. the drift, the gap has kinda grown. just gotta put in the effort babe!!

may not update this often anymore. evidently.
cos its time to leave this all behind me. what got this started ended a long time ago. :)

im so tired, my shoulders so stiff!! i need a massage........

guten abend!

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 10/02/2007 09:30:00 pm | Put your comment here

its been 2 months since the last post. ive just lost the urge to blog anymore, really. getting used to handling things on my own and trying to solve the many many problems. although now, yes, ive been having too much free time. exams came and went. was spending a lot of time with him during the exams. deferred my attachment to nov-dec period, which has left me with a lot of free time on hand.

too much free time to let my mind go crazy. he was away in hk for work. what was meant to be 4 days turned into 3 weeks and now his friends from sweden are over. so ive yet to meet him again.

made so any mistakes lately, its getting me upset. argh. so many things going on in my mind. i wish i was all oyung again without such things to worry about. worry comes with age. bah.

i want the week to past fast!!!

im really random and incoherent. well, i dont care now.

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 5/31/2007 06:54:00 pm | Put your comment here

warning- angsty post ahead.

just these 24 hours have seemed like forever. another accounting proj that loomed and lingered, and yet there was a whole lot of shit to deal with.

and now, i have yoko yoko in my eye. fuckk.

what makes me fall makes me even stronger. but before yu can take that step and put it behind and take it as a learning lesson, theres always that low. it makes me so jaded right now. for a place ive put a considerable amount of time into. its just time to take a step back alr. just a few people matter. i cant expect more. with everyone else, im not gonna be bothered about what yu guys say anymore. i do what i want. go fucking judge for all i care. come to conclusions without knowing everything, and im just gonna become immune to all these.

i guess i gave in to another moment of weakness as i like to call it. but i guess with a friend whom yu just treat as a friend, yu do what friends do, talk to each other sometimes. be there for each other and if this isnt your view of it, then what friendship is there? fuck yu. i aint gonna miss-nice-girl anymore.

so bsc's over and theres just 215 and 214 left. arghh.

im so drained. ive had not much sleep in 2 days and i feel like just sleeping for 2 days straight. no photos for now. im tired.

and im freaking broke. boo.

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 3/30/2007 10:31:00 pm | Put your comment here

so, its been a long hell of a week. the worst week of the sem so far had passed. and i can take a short breather for now. last week, with pbl and the tv commercial assignment due, it was hell. no sleep since monday night all the way till friday. i cant believe i survived on barely a total of 4-5 hours of sleep out of 96 hours. im amazing, or so i feel. but i felt slightly disoriented too. sorry troy, couldnt meet yu on wed. and so, we still havent met up since sidney's party when we were supposed to meet the week after. hehh. but well, there was ih thank you dinner on thurs as well. dont have much to say about that man. and filming the commercial was tough. although the scenes were simple, it was so hard trying to think of a concept for the ice wine. and then there was the editting part. fitting the different scenes together, cutting out unwanted parts, and making it fit within 30 secs. thanks joyce, bear, grace and sandy for helping me act. :) and pbl was due as well. and i must say im quite proud of that. a group project for which i did almost 70% on my own. and it was all excel, computation, formula shit. woohoo. thurs was grace's 21st as well. and we celebrated on wed night first. the day i broke down from the whole shit of stress. sorry friends for taking it our on yu guys.

to complete her celebration, we went to the zoo zoo zoo. :) got the pics alr, but ill upload another time. i was glad to go there. last destination to replace memories with other ones. and it felt good. :) finally. everything gone. a tinge of sadness, but its for the better. brought food along and had our picnic there. as usual, i was amazed by the orang utans there. really. the baby orang utan was soooooo cute. i couldnt take my eyes off him for a good 15mins. hehh. friday saw me losing 30 bucks in mahjong to sarah ng. who came over to hall to play with my other hall mates, after our dinner at pre-rouge. its always nice catching up with her. cos we have a lot to talk about.

sat, was spent sleeping in the day since sarah only left in the morn. and i had to rush home. and out in 10 mins. it must be record breaking for me to get dressed so fast. hehh. and off to meet shaun to buy some balls for the bbq at yihao's. nice, small gathering. and i forgot to take photos with loo, jw, yihao and shaun with my polaroid. boo. benny was really funny that night. made me laugh till my facial muscles hurt so bad. and yes, sat was alvins bday all the way at changi. im sorry i ccouldnt be there, but i guess i was left in a position to make a choice between the gathering at yihao's or to go to alvin's party. im not the kind of girl who's fleeting and likes shuttling between places, so i made a choice. and im sorry friends for not turning up. but i figured, being in my situation i would have had more fun at yihao's with the nbs people. and i hope yu guys understand why.

sun, was off to sarah's 21st at her house. and it was really nice of alvyn to drop me back to hall, where we had a super long chat at the porch. not only bitching ya, but serious talk. which i never though i could have with alvyn. hahha. yuve changed dude. and likewise, so have i. no more emo emo. hahah.

then the week started, and its back to projects and presentations again. channel research presentation is tmr. and im still up. oh well, i do hope i get up. sat is gonna be mags and yas's birthday party. :) cant wait to meet the netballers then. :)

term break wasnt very good. feeling so suffocated being in hall already. and dealing with the things i found out. but i guess, its come to make me realise how much ive changed in these past 6 months. growing more independent, like before, way way before. being myself. cos nowadays i cant give 2 fucks if people wanna judge me anymore based on what i do. standing up for myself, and dealing with my own shit myself. :) it makes me happy being who i am. thank god we didnt get stuck in that rut almost 2 years back. thank you. but its a pity, it had to be you. but yes, im more cynical now. dont know if its a bad thing actually. cos i feel liberated nowadays. life feels good. the air smells fresher. hahha. :)

oh oh oh, i forgot to mention my bro's and his gf's 19th birthday at her house. it was fantastic. as much as i thought i wouldnt enjoy it, i went for my bro. and i enjoyed it. maybe cos i got high. so i became friendly. hehh. and talked to his friends who mostly told me they thought i was really fierce last time when they used to come to the house. and they're not wrong! hahha. i am really unfriendly. but ya, i wish i had photos of that night to upload, sadly i dont. if i do get my hands on them, i def will. cos the tent was awesome. the general deco was great. :)

now, for some rest i desperately need. its been a long long post of updates. this year is the year of the 21st's, but this month takes the title for the month of 21st's. i dont think i cant make it to everyones birthday considering its all on the weekends. and shuttling two and fro, isnt what i like to do at all. well well, another update for photos soon.

i wanna cook pancakes and eattttttttt. boo. nights!

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 3/14/2007 03:58:00 am | Put your comment here

photos photos photos!!

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 2/28/2007 05:24:00 pm | Put your comment here

you live for the moment. but how is it possible to leave every single thing in the past behind. to mistakes made. the lessons learnt. the whirlwind of emotions. they somehow just hit you from time to time, and theres this emotional unbalance that arises, which you try to stabilise, and successfully for that matter. but there's always the second or third time and more, that it will hit. and what you've learnt, is to be ready and know what to do when it does. life aint as simple as you wanted or thought it to be in the end. eventually, it was you who took that innocence away from it. many thanks for that.

dear friend, to you, here's my advice. in my view, it never takes another one to get over that particular someone. take it from me. with feelings so strong and years so long, i chose this path, to learn from things, be able to bulid myself into a stronger person. it may be the harder path, and takes courage, but it's the path that will allow you to deal. to overcome. to conquer. because if you take that other path, one day when things fall apart, you will be back at square one. and the cycle will follow. and you know this whole thing about taking the other path, it helps in more that just this area. it helps with life in general. no more bleak outlook, no more depressing feelings. and the bonus is that the feelings get to stay, with life going on the right way. and more room in the head and heart. :) i hope you can have that too, friend.

im not very happy now. but its all thanks to my own doings. bah. just one more year. and hopefully it'll be all over. hang in there sadaf.

from tmr, pbl and tvc assignment, here i come. :(

i wanna hate, but i cant. but thank you anyways.
good bye.

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 2/26/2007 06:24:00 am | Put your comment here

when you try to pursue a friendship, purely a friendship, and it is deemed otherwise. when you hope for something,and the hope is slammed right to the ground. when you make a kind gesture, and it ain't appreciated. when you just want a listening ear, and you get none. when you're just being nice, or rather you just wanna be nice, YOU don't see it. thanks for nothing, really.

so today was spent helping grace at her flea market. im so so so tired. the heat got to my head quite bad. gonna sleep the whole day away tmr. but i have to get serious about my work soon. and soon means tmr! crap. accounting 2 test on thurs, and i know jack shit about the module. alrights. bed time.


s- maybe you dont know anything about my life now, cos you dont bother, and youre too caught up with your blissful life. a friend i thought i could turn to. seems like i was wrong.

i miss the simplicity of life.

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 2/11/2007 01:55:00 am | Put your comment here

went for a haircut. or rather a trim today. wanted to maintain the length, but the lady snipped off like 5 inches of my hair. boo hoo. its still quite nice, although some people are saying i look like a kid now. but ya, its still nice. but but but i wanted to keep really long hair. bah. so thats another 8 months of staying away from the hair salons.

chinatown trip with a busload of hall mates proved to be a wrong choice. was rather bored. the only time i had fun was taking pics with everyone. ill upload them when i have the time.

been really tired. helping grace with her flea market stuff today again. and tmrs just gonna be a long long day, so i should tuck myself into bed soon.


it was once a happy alone.

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 2/10/2007 03:54:00 am | Put your comment here

no ones perfect. but imperfections do not always mean a person is flawed and always has to be judged. some actions are motivated by reasons that others may not see or understand. and thats actually granted knowing everyones different with their varied perceptions and values. and yet, objectivity would be welcomed sometimes.

i know im judged by many people. i know im 'bitched about' by a lot of people, for what i do or dont do. but dont yu see it, apart from these things look at who i am as a whole. oh what the heck, as long as the friends around me dont judge. yu just come to know that the rest, whom yu may call your friends, arent really your friends. they're 'friends of convenience' as id like to call them.

this aint targeted at anyone, really. im just moody. bah.

some reflections from the past few days.

and a conversation today with betty, has made me take a different view on things. giving some things a chance. giving religion a another look. to understand everything else better. faith. im looking for a stronger faith. something that just doesnt come from believing in god. it takes more than that to have faith. tmr will be the start of re-discovering that. :) im gonna read!!!



my glass is almost empty

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 2/06/2007 01:37:00 am | Put your comment here

forgot to post up some pics after being rushed by my bro and sis to go walk to dog. bah. so here it is. :)

31st jan when the girls came over to my house and we walked saber all the way from my house to east coast beach. chengs, sandy, me, grace, the dog, joyce. pretty pretty happy family-ish pic. :)

sandy grace me and saber! by some jetty.

joyce.grace.chengs. love having joyce as my new neighbour. it would have been perfect if grace was rooming next to us. and of course we're missing chengs now who is all the way at 16. yure missed bitch! :)

3 of us. (when yu were still with us that is.)

IH Netball Finals!! :)

the team! back row- me,mojo,shiqi,charmain,xinyi,jietling-better known as my sri lankan maid :), yizhen. front row-jean,jac,pohpoh,wanlin

another team photo where the freshies insisted on buttoning up te jerseys fully and acting like serious nerds, which i couldnt do cos i wasnt in the same jersey. hahh. boy, i sure was glad i wasnt wearing the same jersey. saves me the embarrassment. hehh. :)

what was meant to be a freshie photo, and theyre manager-me, just had to stick her head in. hehh. so here's the freshies of the team. wanlin, xinyi, yizhen,shiqi, charmain.

some teammates plus yi min and our dear graduated senior hongying who just loves hall 7 so much she comes back for everything she can. :)

the fantastic shooter, charmain and her 'coach'-me. :) heh. for every day that i called you down to practice shooting, it all paid off babe! :)

Post netball finals impromptu drinking session at 38 stone table.

had a really impromptu drinking session to celebrate thewin. so we just brought down whatever drinks we had and got chun, our dearest sports sec to take the trouble of buying us our mixers and ice, stating our win as a good enough reason for him to bother doing that for us. :) and a drinking session with the mojo bunch of seniors and freshies would mean the seniors have an aim of getting the freshies drunk.hehh. worked for wanlin's case. and yi min who was pretty high. and shiqi who got rashes the next day. and charmain, who had to hand in an assignment at 830 was pretty giddy. hehh. as for the seniors, if im not wrong we were all fine. :) so now, firstly, presenting, wanlin's puke! hahha. i just had to take a pic of it. im sorry, im just disgusting. hehh

side view.

aerial view. hehh

roomie joined in the drinking session as well.

mojo.sandy.pohpoh.jietling. the seniors will be missed in hall next year!!

old man marky loo who was allowed to join in our all girls drinking session with an admission fee of chips and mixers.heh. :)

one pic for the unlocked door!whee!!! hahha..and only we know what the joke is huh. :)

okay im finally done!!

now im tired. and i know exactly the only thing that bothers me now. a particular friend. i hope yu know who yu are. yuve been distancing yourself away from us more and more. staying in a world of your own. if thats what yu want, then its fine by the rest of us. but its funny that yu can take no effort to join in anything we do. life just doesnt rotate around you and another person. there's more to it. the friends ard yu. begin appreciating them or yu'll lose them all. i hope yu get it. i care thats why i say. but eventually it gets tiring to talk to yu about it face to face anymore. thats why i dont bother.

alrights my neck hurts from using the com too much. nights world!

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 2/04/2007 01:33:00 am | Put your comment here

long over-due photos!!

but well, before that,ive been happy with myself and how im taking things in my stride. for the prgress ive made. baby steps, baby steps. but one day ill get there, soon. :)

and yes, went to the night market at extension on tues. bought a disney monopoly set and lots of candy floss. happy happy girl! :) the little things in life that bring me happiness.

okay photo time now.


toast day, a very long time ago. with hong ying.

me.hongying.and 1/3 of sandy. :)

now with more of sandy in the pic.

christmas dinner at 36 lounge. our own cooking of aglio olio, prawns, black pepper chicken, mushroom in soy sauce and calamari. :)

our table layout, with spaklers in the middle!

with sparklers lighted! :)

new years eve, outside src, while waiting for hy to buy umbrellas cos i refused to get wet at all. :) helping sandy to repair her shoe.

playing with sparklers somewhere near the padang. cos we were so bored waiting, and to help get rid of the tiredness.

sandy, me, pohpoh at timbre after countdown. great music.

pohpoh and me. when sandy was alr feeling the effects of one mug of shandy. hehh.

zouk on 3rd jan. joyce. me. chengs. grace.

me and kuang.

kuang.chengs.me

alrights. thats all for now. going to walk my doggy now!!

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 2/03/2007 10:09:00 pm | Put your comment here

yu just got to deal with things one at a time. not looking too far ahead. that brings about unexpected stumbling blocks that could have been dealt with, but now its just too late. so yu just deal with the extra pain/hurt/sadness, whatever yu wanna call it. it'll become a cycle in the end. so stop it from repeating itself.

its been a long tiring day. 11hrs of sch. im surprised ive survived. somehow i feel acomplished, but fucking tired. and yet, here i am, when there's marcom presentation tmr and marketing channels presentation the following day. ill treat myself at the end of the week for a good academic week, which rarely happens. but i hope it'll be a weekly thing. :) though im still thinking what ill be treating myself to. heh. ive no idea!! heh.

being in hall for long, spending almost everyday here, life has shaped itself to be accustomed to whats around me. getting used to the people, the environment. and i come to decisions about what i want in my life. and it just takes some stepping out of here to get me questioning on these decisions. have i become too enclosed? or am i just fickle? can i really stand up for what i want? will others thoughts about it influence me? am i scared of being judged? i dont know right now. instbility. soon to pass, hopefully.


-im missing home. and i sent a msg to my mum telling her i missed her bad. and she conveniently didnt reply me. boo. dont get used to life without me mummy!!

praying the presentation will go fine although its only 4-fucking-% of the final grade. bah. which i just found out today.


it's all but a show, no? hide what's true within. yet, eventually, is that even what's true?

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/30/2007 04:06:00 am | Put your comment here

im back..after a long long while. just been pretty sick lately. recovering a bit, then falling awfully sick again. and the cycle just goes on. seriously irritating. wed was the extreme sickness period. i felt so faint my mum had to cab all the way down here to pick me up and bring me home just for a few hours after which my ass had to be dragged back to hall for netball training which started at 10 plus pm and ended after midnight. well, it was worth it in the end cos we thrashed hall 6 30-12 in the finals, emerging netball champs once again for dont know how many consecutive years alr. it was a great feeling. satisfying. but doesnt make up for the bad play of all the other sports. oh well, ih's over for me. but ill still be there cheering the guys on in the remaining guys games. soccer, softball, rugby, polo- if they even play. hehh.. yup.. lets aim to clinch the golds for the rest! :)

so my illness has left me missing the whole weeks lessons. well, will make it up with proper work for the rest of the sem. been drinking quite a bit lately with ong, and then last night was with the netballers to celebrate our win. :) i want my bols!!! love it. i could just drink the whole bottle. heh. okay maybe not. but ya.

been a tiring 2 weeks. trying to deal with so many things/people. and yu just gotta do it yourself which makes it more tiring. sigh. but things are looking up now. talking to certain people actually makes me happy and keeps me going. and im glad for that for now.

im sorry friends. those ive been ignoring totally this week. its not that im pissed or anything. i just needed some time to myself. to deal everthing in hall. just too tired to handle everything else. welcome to the real world sadaf! hahh.

well, so many photos to upload but lazy sadaf wants to have a early night tonight. so that'll be done another day! :)

nights!

oh have i mentioned how much i love goong. i was hooked to it during my sick week. hahh. im glad im done wit it. so i wont keep awake into the wee hours anymore. wheeee. :)

okay nights!!

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/26/2007 11:44:00 pm | Put your comment here

sadaf. 19. rgs-sajc-ntu business. netball.

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