just got back from kenneths 21st party. nice seeing the class people in a way. being away from everything else that has pissed me off lately. and yet, it isnt the best place to be when i wanna get away from upsetting things. and like mr peh says, we always end up talking about a lot of stuff whenever we meet. heh, life's interesting i guess.
ive come to realise the pain will always be there. one year's passed. the pain feels the same. just that as the days go by, it has had to be buried deeper and deeper within. and yu just get used to it such that yu think yu havent been hurting all this while. and sometimes when yu justwanna say something, let him know just a teeny weeny bit of what yu feel, yu end up leaving things as they are cos yu know he'll not like it so whats the point of it all. ive missed yu and i still do. but i guess thats it. yu live with the pain yourself. its been this way for so long and it will. when yu love someone yure able to let him go for him to be happy. and his life probably is. and thats why yu just keep quiet and bear the pain for as long as itll be there.
related lifes' happening to mr peh. he said, find an aim. do it soon. get life back on track. dont screw up. i know that. if only its that easy huhh. and this doesnt even include mr pain that just resurfaced. hooray.
ive come to realise the pain will always be there. one year's passed. the pain feels the same. just that as the days go by, it has had to be buried deeper and deeper within. and yu just get used to it such that yu think yu havent been hurting all this while. and sometimes when yu justwanna say something, let him know just a teeny weeny bit of what yu feel, yu end up leaving things as they are cos yu know he'll not like it so whats the point of it all. ive missed yu and i still do. but i guess thats it. yu live with the pain yourself. its been this way for so long and it will. when yu love someone yure able to let him go for him to be happy. and his life probably is. and thats why yu just keep quiet and bear the pain for as long as itll be there.
related lifes' happening to mr peh. he said, find an aim. do it soon. get life back on track. dont screw up. i know that. if only its that easy huhh. and this doesnt even include mr pain that just resurfaced. hooray.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 10/22/2006 02:04:00 am | Put your comment here
i just want that day to come when i can have the courage, to set emotions aside and walk away from things. to not be afraid. to not cling onto things or people just because i dont wanna lose them. to be that strong on my own cos i know ive not reached that stage yet.
oh, help yourself yu weak being.
oh, help yourself yu weak being.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 10/14/2006 01:04:00 am | Put your comment here
every storm brings with it hope that somehow by morning everything will be made clean again. and even the most troubling stains would have disappeared like the memories of his kiss. so we wait. for the storm to pass. hoping for the best even though we know in our hearts, some stains are so indelible nothing can wash them away.
oh sigh. im a sad sad girl today.
i guess i really only blog when im sad.
sigh. sigh. sigh. i miss everything the way it was before. every every thing. every yu and every me. everybody.
and so i pray. that maybe one day. just that one fateful day to come when the stains will just wash away, leave me without a mark. and may i never remember the storm. may i never relive the storm ever again, the way it has been over and over again for the past year.
oh sigh. im a sad sad girl today.
i guess i really only blog when im sad.
sigh. sigh. sigh. i miss everything the way it was before. every every thing. every yu and every me. everybody.
and so i pray. that maybe one day. just that one fateful day to come when the stains will just wash away, leave me without a mark. and may i never remember the storm. may i never relive the storm ever again, the way it has been over and over again for the past year.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 10/13/2006 03:35:00 am | Put your comment here
so here i am. waiting so intently for my greys ep 3 to either be transferred from pohpoh or be d/led. whichever comes first. but both are extremely slow, which is irritating. cos im getting tired. bah.
so yesterdays small drinking session of leslie, hongying, sandy and me with a teeny bit of alcohol from my darling neighbour sam, turned into a rather large and interesting drinking session in my room. which managed to fit about 11 of us. even jean-michel and chris joined in and contributed port and bacardi. leslie's contribution of vodka. and all my mixers in the fridge wasnt even enough. people started drinking shots. and obviously that was when our dear hongying got drunk. first one to fall out. :) and rather interesting stories of her that shant be disclosed on this blog. hehh. :) drinking session saw us having to clean up the puke outside the room, in sinks. seeing karen slide along the stretch of corridor where water was poured. hehh. and it was nice to see the freshies introduced to such activities in hall. and i was having my fun of making the freshies drink and telling them its the order of a senior so cannot say no. hehh. :) and yes, all this fun on top of me worrying that someone would just spill some drinks on my precious carpets. which thanksfully didnt happen, although my room was left in a mess. hehh.. but it was all in the name of drinking!!! hehh.
to more of such sessions! :)
im still waitingg.. sighh. have to wake up early tmr but im not gonna rest until my greys is d/led. now for some constructive work to be done.
so yesterdays small drinking session of leslie, hongying, sandy and me with a teeny bit of alcohol from my darling neighbour sam, turned into a rather large and interesting drinking session in my room. which managed to fit about 11 of us. even jean-michel and chris joined in and contributed port and bacardi. leslie's contribution of vodka. and all my mixers in the fridge wasnt even enough. people started drinking shots. and obviously that was when our dear hongying got drunk. first one to fall out. :) and rather interesting stories of her that shant be disclosed on this blog. hehh. :) drinking session saw us having to clean up the puke outside the room, in sinks. seeing karen slide along the stretch of corridor where water was poured. hehh. and it was nice to see the freshies introduced to such activities in hall. and i was having my fun of making the freshies drink and telling them its the order of a senior so cannot say no. hehh. :) and yes, all this fun on top of me worrying that someone would just spill some drinks on my precious carpets. which thanksfully didnt happen, although my room was left in a mess. hehh.. but it was all in the name of drinking!!! hehh.
to more of such sessions! :)
im still waitingg.. sighh. have to wake up early tmr but im not gonna rest until my greys is d/led. now for some constructive work to be done.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 10/08/2006 01:12:00 am | Put your comment here
i sprained my toe. im not sure if its the nerve or a sprain. i just know it's fucking painful up till now. its swollen and throbbing from the pain. cant even walk properly. and all cos of the stupid big fat toe. sigh sigh sigh. all from a hit of the hockey ball. i hate hockey. no more ihg training for me for a while.
cant even do my work properly cos the pain is very distracting. any remedies people?? ill be going to the clementi sinseh tmr though. i need a proper rub down of the toe.
so here i am being angsty all over again. i seriously hate the pain im feeling. everytime im angsty i think of alvyn. hehh. :)
i hate growing up and depending on myself. i think im just too spoilt. i need my mum to take care of me. if i were home, ill just rest and she'll rub oil and wrap some yellow herbal shit of hers on my toe. and my dad will drive me to the sinseh and back. spolit brat sadaf. makes me wanna just move back home. hall isnt appealing anymore. bah.
back to doing work.
cant even do my work properly cos the pain is very distracting. any remedies people?? ill be going to the clementi sinseh tmr though. i need a proper rub down of the toe.
so here i am being angsty all over again. i seriously hate the pain im feeling. everytime im angsty i think of alvyn. hehh. :)
i hate growing up and depending on myself. i think im just too spoilt. i need my mum to take care of me. if i were home, ill just rest and she'll rub oil and wrap some yellow herbal shit of hers on my toe. and my dad will drive me to the sinseh and back. spolit brat sadaf. makes me wanna just move back home. hall isnt appealing anymore. bah.
back to doing work.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 10/03/2006 01:00:00 am | Put your comment here
im trying to be nice. dont be rude.
some things are going right in life now. :) probably moodiness has slightly disappeared since its not pms anymore. the dreaded thing is here. yupp. while at changi airport doing the tourism project today, ive figured out what i want out of my life. the directions set now. i just have to work towards it and achieve my goal. ive always been stuck in between not wanting to be here, ntu and not wanting to get out into the working force. and ive found my in-between. :) i hope. if all works out right. im looking forward to it. one and a half years from now and im already excited.
life. here i come. :)
now its back to the shitty life in ntu. yayy for me.
some things are going right in life now. :) probably moodiness has slightly disappeared since its not pms anymore. the dreaded thing is here. yupp. while at changi airport doing the tourism project today, ive figured out what i want out of my life. the directions set now. i just have to work towards it and achieve my goal. ive always been stuck in between not wanting to be here, ntu and not wanting to get out into the working force. and ive found my in-between. :) i hope. if all works out right. im looking forward to it. one and a half years from now and im already excited.
life. here i come. :)
now its back to the shitty life in ntu. yayy for me.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 10/02/2006 02:24:00 am | Put your comment here
