its all gonna remain as memories. painful memories really. maybe one day ill look back and smile at it. and tell myself how much ive learned from this.
it was good while it lasted.
im really grateful for friends who have been there. really. its helped lessen the pain a teeny weny bit. cos yu guys should know its just different. him and friends. i just cant compare. thanks for the comforting msges.
minli- thanks for that tag. really. it helps to know friends i havent been in contact with are still around, ready to be there for me when needed.
mag- thanks for the tag. i love yu too. and thanks for loving me.
i should feel lucky, ive so many people around me to help me through this.
but i feel sad yure going through this alone. yure having to pull trough this pain alone. :( really.
it was good while it lasted.
im really grateful for friends who have been there. really. its helped lessen the pain a teeny weny bit. cos yu guys should know its just different. him and friends. i just cant compare. thanks for the comforting msges.
minli- thanks for that tag. really. it helps to know friends i havent been in contact with are still around, ready to be there for me when needed.
mag- thanks for the tag. i love yu too. and thanks for loving me.
i should feel lucky, ive so many people around me to help me through this.
but i feel sad yure going through this alone. yure having to pull trough this pain alone. :( really.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 11/25/2005 02:38:00 am | Put your comment here
im torn. im shattered.i really really miss him so bad. why did i mess things up? why did god give us, women, pms? life's been strange without him. there's a void. i just long to hear his voice. to see him. yu only realise the importance of a person when he's out of your life. nowadays i dont even feel like talking to anyone. going out. i feel like a baby. i just want him back. im being stubborn. but i cant help it.
he's been that constant in my life. i just want it all back. nothing seems as bad as life can get now. i know i can change it around. i know that it may be true that there's somethings beter out there. but right now, i dont want better. i really dont. can anyone really understand how i feel?
i have so many more experiences to share with yu. so many more memories to create. so many moments to enjoy. the video i was gonna make to pass to yu on 17 december. with the song, ' god bless the broken road'. i can just delete all those images ive stored for all this. its sad. the plans ive had. all washed down the drain.everything's being snatched away.
i guess its a case of right person, wrong time.
hey yu, take this pain away.
ill always be right here waiting.
he's been that constant in my life. i just want it all back. nothing seems as bad as life can get now. i know i can change it around. i know that it may be true that there's somethings beter out there. but right now, i dont want better. i really dont. can anyone really understand how i feel?
i have so many more experiences to share with yu. so many more memories to create. so many moments to enjoy. the video i was gonna make to pass to yu on 17 december. with the song, ' god bless the broken road'. i can just delete all those images ive stored for all this. its sad. the plans ive had. all washed down the drain.everything's being snatched away.
i guess its a case of right person, wrong time.
hey yu, take this pain away.
ill always be right here waiting.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 11/25/2005 12:55:00 am | Put your comment here
22nd november. a painful day eh. i just need some time to forget about him. i need lots of time. to cry it all out. my hearts broken into a million pieces. its gonna be hard to pick up these pieces and move on. ive lost a purpose of doing everything i did. ill have to find that new purpose.
everything i do i do it for yu. now everywhere i go it pains my heart cos all im reminded of is yu. 2 years. its not a short time. i cant just move on with my life like that. all that ive given to this r/s. all that ive hoped for in this r/s. i know yu still love me. i know that aint the reason. i know yu well eough to know that at least.
im hurting to think that ive brought this upon myself. it hurts so much more. when i saw that msg, i just broke down. im sorry looloo that yu had to see me like that. im sorry yu had to accompany me and see me cry like so much. im sorry i spoiled your shopping trip.
the night before, on monday, i had a very bad feeling something was wrong. i cried myself to sleep. and for the 1st time in forever, i prayed to god. not to break up this r/s of ours. not to take yu away from me. and just a day later, this had to happen. i shouldnt harp on this eh. i should move on. everyone tells me that. but is it that easy for me? i try shutting him out since yesterday. but for how long? it only lasts a while. and then when i think about him even for that few seconds, tears cant help but flow. to think that i wont be able to see him anymore. i wont be able to care for him. i wont be able to lighten his load for him. i wont be able to be a part of his life. i wont be able to get that hug or that smile. everything has to change.
if only things wont change.ive told yu i dont want better. yuve made me happy all this while and i know i'd have stayed happy. ill always be here i guess. ill always love yu. im just hoping this is all a bad dream ill wake up from soon. please let it be a bad dream.
look into my eyes, yu will see
what yu mean to me,
search your heart,search your soul,
when yu find me there yu would search no more,
dont tell me its not worth trying for,
yu cant tell me its not worth dying for,
yu know its true,
everything i do,i do it for yu.
look into my heart,yu will find,
there's nothing there to hide,
take me as i am,take my life,
i would give it all,i would sacrifice,
dont tell me its not worth fighting for,
i cant help it theres nothing i want more,
yu know its true everything i do,
i do it for yu.
there's no love,like your love,
and no other, could give me more love,
there's no where, unless yure there,
all the time, all the way,
dont tell me its not worth trying for,
i cant help it there's mothing i want more,
i would fight for yu, i'd lie for yu,
walk the wire for yu, ya, i'd die for yu,
yu know its true, everything i do,
i do it for yu.
:(
everything i do i do it for yu. now everywhere i go it pains my heart cos all im reminded of is yu. 2 years. its not a short time. i cant just move on with my life like that. all that ive given to this r/s. all that ive hoped for in this r/s. i know yu still love me. i know that aint the reason. i know yu well eough to know that at least.
im hurting to think that ive brought this upon myself. it hurts so much more. when i saw that msg, i just broke down. im sorry looloo that yu had to see me like that. im sorry yu had to accompany me and see me cry like so much. im sorry i spoiled your shopping trip.
the night before, on monday, i had a very bad feeling something was wrong. i cried myself to sleep. and for the 1st time in forever, i prayed to god. not to break up this r/s of ours. not to take yu away from me. and just a day later, this had to happen. i shouldnt harp on this eh. i should move on. everyone tells me that. but is it that easy for me? i try shutting him out since yesterday. but for how long? it only lasts a while. and then when i think about him even for that few seconds, tears cant help but flow. to think that i wont be able to see him anymore. i wont be able to care for him. i wont be able to lighten his load for him. i wont be able to be a part of his life. i wont be able to get that hug or that smile. everything has to change.
if only things wont change.ive told yu i dont want better. yuve made me happy all this while and i know i'd have stayed happy. ill always be here i guess. ill always love yu. im just hoping this is all a bad dream ill wake up from soon. please let it be a bad dream.
look into my eyes, yu will see
what yu mean to me,
search your heart,search your soul,
when yu find me there yu would search no more,
dont tell me its not worth trying for,
yu cant tell me its not worth dying for,
yu know its true,
everything i do,i do it for yu.
look into my heart,yu will find,
there's nothing there to hide,
take me as i am,take my life,
i would give it all,i would sacrifice,
dont tell me its not worth fighting for,
i cant help it theres nothing i want more,
yu know its true everything i do,
i do it for yu.
there's no love,like your love,
and no other, could give me more love,
there's no where, unless yure there,
all the time, all the way,
dont tell me its not worth trying for,
i cant help it there's mothing i want more,
i would fight for yu, i'd lie for yu,
walk the wire for yu, ya, i'd die for yu,
yu know its true, everything i do,
i do it for yu.
:(
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 11/23/2005 04:10:00 pm | Put your comment here
went out yest. town doesnt appeal anymore. im becoming a hermit. i dont enjoy company. always have that urge to go out but never do really want to. i dont know whats really wrong. maybe its just whats going on. im quite tired of pretending to be happy. i wish time would just go back to the days in sa. thats what i miss the most. the close proximity to everyone in my life back then. i only have one regret.which shant be disclosed. im just feeling lost. very lost.
becoming a hermit yet,i dont find peace at home. i just wanna run away from everything right now. call me a coward. i dont care. sometimes yu cant change somethings. things dont go your way everytime.
i want someone to confide in but i dont want to hear peoples advice at the same time. i dont really know what i want eh.
i have nth to do at all since the exams are over. i need to find work!! and im gonna go read read read. haha. somehting new. and take saber to the beach. and for daily walks. saber's my dog btw. :)
i miss yu. but maybe i should let go.
becoming a hermit yet,i dont find peace at home. i just wanna run away from everything right now. call me a coward. i dont care. sometimes yu cant change somethings. things dont go your way everytime.
i want someone to confide in but i dont want to hear peoples advice at the same time. i dont really know what i want eh.
i have nth to do at all since the exams are over. i need to find work!! and im gonna go read read read. haha. somehting new. and take saber to the beach. and for daily walks. saber's my dog btw. :)
i miss yu. but maybe i should let go.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 11/20/2005 06:23:00 pm | Put your comment here
hi. im back.
exams have come an gone. screwed up most. wont do well. but i cant do anything now. im to blame.
this period of time is almost a copy of last year and i get freaked. i dont want it to go to that stage. sometimes im optimistic sometimes i cant help but fear.i feel stupid.
learnt a whole lot the past 2 weeks. but im still not sure what i want from myself and life. yest at zouk brought out a lot of questions about what i want. who i really wanna be. ive come to conclude there's a lot of sides to me. im me in a lot of different ways. its like a few personalities in one person. i show one as when i feel like it/situation permits. which sounds really stupid. but im beginning to think thats true.
well lets just call one side of me 'a' and the other 'b'. i really wanna be 'a' but im always made to be 'b' cos of the pple around me. they would never understand me being 'a'. well some may say i should just act the way i am. and should let what others think about me. well, i would do that if i just had that little group of friends of mine. i wouldnt give a fuck about eveyone else. but i dont see the same pple in uni. ppof. so thats a jist of my problems. and it would actually be fine if people would accept the 'a' but i know people wont. and now im really lost. its like im losing my identity. i dont know which path i should take.
so with the exams over i should be going out and enjoying my time but im not..whyy? cos there's no one to go out with. how sad. and thats what i get for being in ntu. cos i dont know many people who would do the same things i do here.and i wanna do so many things!!but no one to do with. im beginning to sound pathetic. gosh. can the nus people hurry and finish their exams??
:(
but sometimes some things just dont make yu feel like doing anything.
did imention zouk was fun yest. nice cathcing up with sarah at the wine bar. and meeting a gazzilion people over there though there were some unsightly creatures around too. yuck.
and now im starving. and there's no food. save me please.
exams have come an gone. screwed up most. wont do well. but i cant do anything now. im to blame.
this period of time is almost a copy of last year and i get freaked. i dont want it to go to that stage. sometimes im optimistic sometimes i cant help but fear.i feel stupid.
learnt a whole lot the past 2 weeks. but im still not sure what i want from myself and life. yest at zouk brought out a lot of questions about what i want. who i really wanna be. ive come to conclude there's a lot of sides to me. im me in a lot of different ways. its like a few personalities in one person. i show one as when i feel like it/situation permits. which sounds really stupid. but im beginning to think thats true.
well lets just call one side of me 'a' and the other 'b'. i really wanna be 'a' but im always made to be 'b' cos of the pple around me. they would never understand me being 'a'. well some may say i should just act the way i am. and should let what others think about me. well, i would do that if i just had that little group of friends of mine. i wouldnt give a fuck about eveyone else. but i dont see the same pple in uni. ppof. so thats a jist of my problems. and it would actually be fine if people would accept the 'a' but i know people wont. and now im really lost. its like im losing my identity. i dont know which path i should take.
so with the exams over i should be going out and enjoying my time but im not..whyy? cos there's no one to go out with. how sad. and thats what i get for being in ntu. cos i dont know many people who would do the same things i do here.and i wanna do so many things!!but no one to do with. im beginning to sound pathetic. gosh. can the nus people hurry and finish their exams??
:(
but sometimes some things just dont make yu feel like doing anything.
did imention zouk was fun yest. nice cathcing up with sarah at the wine bar. and meeting a gazzilion people over there though there were some unsightly creatures around too. yuck.
and now im starving. and there's no food. save me please.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 11/18/2005 01:40:00 am | Put your comment here
so i shouldnt bother. leave things alone. right tj?
its been marketing marketing marketing the whole freaking week. i sure hope all this effort pays off. its marketing for god's sake!! better do well. somehow im just looking forward to the end of exams.
finally met sidney. :) yes, im beaming. hehh.
happy days are here again. :) i hope. hehh.
2 more weeks before the dreaded exams end and i get to play play play!! :)
its been marketing marketing marketing the whole freaking week. i sure hope all this effort pays off. its marketing for god's sake!! better do well. somehow im just looking forward to the end of exams.
finally met sidney. :) yes, im beaming. hehh.
happy days are here again. :) i hope. hehh.
2 more weeks before the dreaded exams end and i get to play play play!! :)
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 11/02/2005 11:39:00 pm | Put your comment here
