fairy tales

Thursday, December 30, 2004

it was betty's birthday yesterday!happy birthday girl!!!yup..and we had lotsa fun at the kbox and having dinner..i love the company of those girls.. :) everyone of them-jin,ninny,yun,belle,meng and of course betty.. :) we were missing dawn tan though..

got back from work not too long ago and i have to leave in a while again..haha..yup..and im meeting the grp of sec 4 classmates today.. :) great..ah ma,liling, shanshan, jun and wen, meng and belle.. :) too bad im not meeting the netballers on nye..havent seen pei ying in damn long..nth new though..haha..

im looking forward to next week!!! :) well,im proud of myself that i havent spent much on myself lately..im even taking buses ard..cos all my money has to go into the shopping for my dearie day..haha..yup..but i dont mind la..there are like 3 occasions clumped together so its really draining..financially that is..yup..well,looking forward to tmr too..hopefully more of the class pple can make it.. :)

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/30/2004 01:59:00 pm | Put your comment here

Monday, December 27, 2004

yesterday was pretty nice.one of the rare moments my family went out together for the day without arguing.and actually having fun.i wish we could do this every month.i doubt it will ever happen.bought new comforters to match the room.really pretty. :) i just find sth missing. its his absence the past few days.but he doesnt sense the lack of it i guess.and the thing is, its not only not meeting him but the fact that there's hardly been any contact.im begining to doubt his sincerity of being in this r/s.sometimes i dont wanna compare with others,it's just not being fair to him and im making it worse for myself. but i cant help it and it makes me feel shitty.pleh.im looking forward to tomorrow if it even materialises for the matter.ive learnt my lesson.NEVER expect anything.

great and now i know it aint gonna materialise. im so fucking pissed. urgh!

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/27/2004 09:13:00 pm | Put your comment here

Saturday, December 25, 2004

i had such a norrible dream last night!!!i dreamt my a level results were like DDC..wow..i was crying in my sleep..and its still bothering me like crazy..plehh..gonna slack at home..wonderful wonderful christmas..and its no one's fault but mine..

here's to the BEST christmas one could ever have..

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/25/2004 01:13:00 pm | Put your comment here

Friday, December 24, 2004

its christmas eve..nearing christmas..and im spending it at home.amidst family members who really dont give a shit about anything..i wonder whether new years eve will be the same..i hope nor..somehow i just dont feel the warmth and love one feels during this season..funny aint it..i always associate christmas with the surroundings covered in blankets of snow..a nice cosy house, with a fireplace..and all i wanna do is cuddle up in front of the fire place with my loved one..of course accompanied by the bottle of wine..and the christmas tree by the side with presents underneath for me to open..heh..a blend of the child and adult in me..but but but..yu dont get a fireplace here and definitely no snow..and no house of my own to spend my time with my loved one..and the loved one is kinda mia..so ya..i just dont feel anything this year..im numbed..sometimes i just wanna be loved dearly by him..when i said those things i did in the taxi,i was expecting some words of comfort and encouragement to let me knoe he's there..but i was met with irritation more than anything..sighh..this aint good..and i hate keeping it from him..

well, merry christmas people..i hope yu guys have a better christmas where ever yu are,who ever yure with.. :)

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/24/2004 11:35:00 pm | Put your comment here

Thursday, December 23, 2004

all i want for christmas is yu..but i dont even know whether i do have yu..such a horrible feeling..

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/23/2004 10:40:00 pm | Put your comment here

im gonna burst soon..there's just too much in me..and i cant tolerate anything anymore..urghh..

and thanks people..for being so so so ENCOURAGING about the big decision ive made in my life..i know yu guys care..maybe yu guys are right..maybe ill regret it one day..maybe he'll still treat me like shit..i really dont know..only time will tell..and im willing to take the risk..

at the same time,i need to get things of my chest..so much i wanna say..but could never have found the opportunity to..which sucks..ive got 16 days to say it..

coaching netball sucks like shit..horrible day..thats all i can say.

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/23/2004 07:33:00 pm | Put your comment here

my dad's right..i dont quite deserve anyone..which is shit sad..

i dunno whats wrong..and i hate feeling this way..i tried talking to yu..apologising..pacifying..nth works..and the thing is i dont wuite know whats wrong..my days quite spoilt..work sucked cos my minds occupied..im tired from clubbing..not enough sleep..i gotta go work again in the afternoon..plehh..everything's irritating me now cos of my preoccupation with him..and ill just blow at anyone who pisses me off in anyway..

i dont feel too good..i feel like puking..

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/23/2004 11:48:00 am | Put your comment here

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

so the class came over yesterday..it was quite fun.. :) but tiring nonetheless..baking the food was good..at least most people liked it..which is a relief..ill cook more often now..haha..there was just sth missing..i dont know what..sighh..ive not been feeling too good since yeterday but i dont know why..went to watch some imax show..quite interesting but damn freaking short!!!im a bit confused about some things..i feel complete in a certain way,yet,there's a missing piece..i dont what to think anymore..and what to feel..im tired of putting everyone else above me..why cant anyone spare a thought for my feelings? no one really senses it and cares for that matter..i guess no matter what i have to fan for myself..i guess i need some time to myself for a while..then again..sighh..i wonder how ill spend the next few weeks..

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/21/2004 06:14:00 pm | Put your comment here

Friday, December 17, 2004

so today was good..the movie was so-so la..but the company was better.. :) hehh..seriously..i dunno la..i felt really comfortable and at ease in a way..yup..its like a new begining for me..a new but familiar chapter in my life has opened and i wanna make the full use of it..i dont wanna have anymore regrets..no more trying too hard..independence..yup.. :) somehow it feels like some fairytale story..i feel so dreamy..i was feeling this way the whole day..since last night actually..i still am..i want some alone time together..away from like the hustle and bustle of the city..to just talk.. yea..well,im looking forward to the days to come..life's gonna be good..and complete.. :) nights!

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/17/2004 01:25:00 am | Put your comment here

Thursday, December 16, 2004

when i first saw yu i saw love

and the first time yu touched me i felt love

and after all this time yure still the one i love

i still love yu and miss yu.

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/16/2004 01:23:00 pm | Put your comment here

finally the com is back!! :) i was so freaking bored on tues cos i stayed home the whole day and my stupid uncle took away the com for reformating!!!bahh..so freaking irritating..well,i dont really feel like blogging but i am anyways..not for long though..went for work for the first time yest..i discovered poly people are like so diff..yea..dinner was with yun yest..was so nice catching up with her..yup..glad i was finally with someone like me..hehh..yup..and we headed down to zouk yest..which was a horrible experience mann..plehh..well,my minds not functioning properly now..confused about things..looking forward to some..scared of the outcome..i dunnno what else la..well, ill go drown myself in my thoughts now..haha..i want tonight to come soon..like now..

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/16/2004 01:06:00 pm | Put your comment here

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

i put up a blardy front just the way im doing now when things are actually happening concurrently..it sucks..maybe this period will allow me to deal with things myself since there's no one..

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/14/2004 01:03:00 am | Put your comment here

Monday, December 13, 2004

two long days have passed..went to watch extremes play yest and talked to mr bok and mr teh about re-joining netball..im really lost..sighh..then went out with ade and char..met up with wen for coffee at night..then i went to the beach until 5..it was nice..the company was nice and had lotsa fun catching up with my friend..he's crazy la..haha..amazing how some people never change..

today met the class to go out..ben's last day out..so sad.. :( i'll miss him soo much..yea..the national treasure movie turned out to be quite nice..then was out with the girls..and went to meet alvyn at his workplace..tried on this really pretty black corset thingy that was partly net..pretty pretty..hehh..alvyn looked really diligent..haha..

hmm..he's obviously upset and bothered over some stuff..wished he would share it with me..but he never..sighh...im like ready to listen..cant do anything then..just hope he'll solve it then..

im so confused myself..about everything..and my dad is being such a fuck..he keeps taunting me using sidney..now he says sidney was very smart to have dumped me cos i deserve no one..and that smart guys will never ever want me..fine so be it..why taunt me with it..it hurts fucking bad..and he never stops..he still persists..betty's away and i can talk to no one now..im not gonna come home for at least another day..that asshole of a dad can just fuck off cos he's the worse dad anyone could ever have..

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/13/2004 11:37:00 pm | Put your comment here

Sunday, December 12, 2004

i thought that yu'd be loving me

i thought that yu'd be the one who'd stay forever

but now forever's come and gone

and i'm still here alone

i thought that i'd be all yu need

in your eyes i thought i saw my heaven

and now my heaven's gone away

and im out in the cold

cause yu had me believing

yu had me believing in a lie

guess i couldnt see it

guess i couldnt see it till i saw goodbye

this is such a nice song..just heard it on tv while watching runaway bride..i miss my eric clapton cd that lev spoilt.. :( i want an eric clapton cd..will anyone buy me one?hehh..yup..but yea..its really nice but sad though..hehh..well parents are back with supper.. :) tata..

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/12/2004 01:24:00 am | Put your comment here

Saturday, December 11, 2004

i love my life!!!!haha..yupyup..a sudden change since the last post..haha..yup..the past 12 days were like super freaking hectic..prom and the langkawi trip..prom was good yet bad..yup..many things happened..sighh..but all the wounds are healed now..heh.. :) yup..had lotsa fun the post prom and clubbing..back at the hotel with the netballers and bballers..it was quite fun playing with silly games with them..siting,peg,yen fang,charlotte,ivan,eugene,hui jie,jeremy nah..haha..yup..and back in the room with the class girls..dolling jeremy's feet up..and laughing the whole night..subsequently,heard lots of stuff about that very night which was saddening..yup..but again,its okay now! :) then was the langkawi trip..it was alright at first,then sucked for a day,then it rocked my socks for the rest of the week..had quite a bad night the first night..we fought..so so so horrible..i wanted to go back,thought the whole trip will suck..but it was alright after that..thanks to ben!!!i love ya ben!didnt know he still cared as a friend..until nana told me he told her to take care of me..yup..it was good la..the experiences shared with the classmates was so cool..it was touching..having the talks with cai,peter,nana and sidney..told him ill be his best girl friend..haha..yup..so ill be there for him whenever..yup.. :) i think its better being friends with him more than anything..cos he'll be nicer and i can share more..good good..i miss the classmates so much..what an eventful 6 days ive had on the trip.. and the thing is it kinda ends off my 2 years in SA well..i thought it ended so horribly when we broke off and everything happened..but i change my mind!!haha..yup..ive made so many true friends noww..peter,cai,nana,edith,alvyn,and the 2 most importantly ben and sidney.. :) yup..ive got closure as well as starting a new chapter in my life happily..
the scenery there was like woah..yup..the cable car ride to see the sunset on the mountain..island hopping,the water fall,the beach activities,seashell restaurant,the walks with some of them..so nice so nice so nice!!! :) and now i miss being with all of them..i really wanna keep all our friendships going..and ill make the effort to..yup..today's gonna be rest day..im glad ill be able to meet them on monday.. :) its time to go talk to my mummy.hehh..

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/11/2004 03:43:00 pm | Put your comment here

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

haha..came online to get my daily dose of my boo..haha..i love usher and i love that song like crazy!!!shena should know that..we both love it..haha..oh and did i mention..i realised that we both,him and me, wore mambo shirts the same night on mon..hehh..just found it really coincidental considering that im not a mambo person who always wears it..yup.. :)

my eyes dying again..hopefully they'll be okay until the langkawi trip ends..hehh..and i havent gone clubbing at all after the damned a's..plehh..soon soon..haha..oh,i tried walking around my house in my 3 half inch heels..im like killing myself la..i dunno how ill last on prom night..but no choice cos the back of my dress is very long..hehh..gonna sleep noww..

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/01/2004 11:05:00 pm | Put your comment here

last night was....waoh!yup..netball farewell last night..those juniiors are like the best juniors anyone can ever have..they put in so much effort into everyting yesterday,especially the video they made for us..yup..it was really sweet.. :) and they actually made a copy for everyone of us too :) and after the vidoe,when we all said our respective msges to the juniors,and being really honest about how pathetic our team was in the beginning of last year..and even some of us not wanting to be here but had no choice,including me..yup..but i dont regret soming to sa in terms of netball and cultivating such a strong bond with all of them..ill miss them..and one regret i have is not having made the most out of it..somethings like this,i didnt realise during the course of the year..sidney should know this best cos ive always told him those stuff..yea..but i take all that ive said back.. :) all of us came from everywhere..in terms of netball,schools..different playing standards,different mentality..but weve gone through so much together..and im grateful for memories like these made in sa.. :) and to have such wonderful juniors who re so nice.. yup..

well, i thought after the a's i could relax more..but im so packed going out too!!!plehh..mon was going out shopping in the day and i spent 150..plucked my brows then went for class chalet..whoch i didnt had planned to stay over for..but i just did..and i had lotsa fun with ben,edith and guanda just sitting and talking for hours about everything under the sun..or rather under the moon..haha..talked till sunrise..woah..haha..and we went moontanning..haha..and now ben and guanda are my biggy brothers who really looke after me..haha..thanks for the t shirts to keep me warm! :) :) :) and so much for resisting eh ben?haha..yup..and i didnt even sleep a wink!!well,that night gotta understand many aspects of life better..through edith especially.. :) she's a really nice girlie to talk to..and immediately the next morn i had to meet siting to go prom shopping!!i only had 2o mins of sleep!!!!haha..i was a zombie..so much so that once my shopping was done and peg and ade had joined us,i just sat down at crepes and cream to eat, and looked after their bags cos i just couldnt carry on walking..haha..and i did that alone!haha..yupyup..okay..and i just realised that i always eat like less than once a day..cos right now,i havent eaten anything since being at crepes and cream..haha..thats 24 hours ago and i dont plan to eat anything soon..its bad i know but i cant seem to get myself to eat..not cos im trying to lose weight cos i really cant be bother, but i just cant..

supposed to meet some pple today,right this very moment..but im freaking tired..plehh..ill just go la..heh..soon..yup..and tmr is hezhen's birthday!!!shit..no present yett..yup..better go get one today..and we'll be staying over at the airport with meng and des before they go to sydney for their long long long holiday! haha..yup..and its pool with ben tmr before match with juniors and then dinner with the rg netballers.. :) long long long days eh..i bet on fri ill be dead tired for prom..oh oh oh..im getting fake nails for prom..haha..70 freaking bucks!! my god!!!haha..but nvm la..well i better go bathe now.. :) :) :)

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/01/2004 02:39:00 pm | Put your comment here