fairy tales

Friday, January 21, 2005

i dont know whats wrong with me and my big fat mouth. i should learn to keep certain thoughts to myself in case it made situations worse. but i just dont. cos i felt a need to say it. for fear that it may come to a point where i wont be able to tolerate it. and i dont want it to be that way. pleh. why is it that i cant get to talk to the people i want but those i absolutely detest are the ones talking to me!urgh. bugger off. i miss him already. sighh. im damn confused about stuff. not sure what i want anymore. and its the first time im not sure, signalling its severity.. but i dont wanna feel this way. i feel like crying. ya well, i always feel like crying anyway so it probably has no effect. i feel screwed up. majorly screwed.

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/21/2005 08:50:00 pm | Put your comment here

yea, i finally got to see him after a 2 longlong week wait. so anticipated,but so anti climax. great nonethless. i missed him. i wanna spend more time with him. but felt a barrier there. thought he would be happy to see me. anyways on my part,i was so glad to see him! :) gave him the letters.and the pretty cookie. and i bought him the wrong sized berms. :( sigh.well, when the money comes in tmr,ill go get another one.pleh.bye bye money.wouldnt be able to spoil myself. its okay i guess. as long as i get to spend time with him. hee. im not that nice.. cant give without expecting anything in return eh. haha. gotta treasure every moment spent. try not to be a bitch or irritate him. should be turning in soon. prety tired. oh ya. i got a doggie! saber. doesnt biteor lick and ita already trained so thats good. :) a siberian husky. very adorable. well, nights.

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/21/2005 01:44:00 am | Put your comment here

Monday, January 17, 2005

3 more days!!haha.im crazy. today was super crazy.i shopped a hell lot. bought a pretty fcuk shirt to add to the collection.heh.a skirt.yet another pair of footwear.really really pretty ones.who could resist.haha..it was the 3rd pair from the same shop in a span of 1 and a halk weeks. and 4 pairs in total in these 2 weeks. makes a total of all my footwear, strictly those flip flops and heels, to more than 10!!!im crazy. my mum thinks im whacked. its just retail therapy i like to call it. heh. and not forgetting my plain, simple white t shirt. and yes, i went for an interview at indochine.hope to get the job.need one badly to kill time.he didnt call me today!!:( think cos i didnt wanna talk to him yest.stupid me. sighh. im bursting with things to tell him.heh.tmr's the first extremes training im going for. hope it goes well. :)

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/17/2005 11:21:00 pm | Put your comment here

Saturday, January 15, 2005

went for training at sa yest.its been more than a month since ive actually played netball.luckily i went so i could get a feel of the game again before going for extremes training. i really love netball,wanna play it,but dont know if im up to standard. but ill try. ill push myself whatever it takes. just wanna do well. wonder what ill be playing when i go for training. honestly,i dont wanna be stuck playing wd my whole life. we'll see how it goes. well,it was nice seeing ade,siting and char after so long. :) could do some catching up. heh. ade looks so fresh with her highlights. quite a typical netballer yu see in kallang now. the zai kind la. haha. managed to catch up with betty yest too. :) ive been having sleepless nights lately and horrible dreams. dont know whats disturbing me. maybe its got to do with him and im of course worried for my brother too. hope he will recover. tmr its baking day!!!with faith for alvin and sidney. haha. looking forward to that. i really cant wait for him to book out on thurs. well, at least it aint that far away. and im kinda coping better i think. :) though i feel quite incoherent with my thoughts and actions nowadays. pleh. i gotta get my life sorted. get another job, fill my time and let the money roll in. haha. :)

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/15/2005 02:39:00 pm | Put your comment here

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

i hate feeling so fucking vulnerable. hate what he does to me and her. hate him so fucking much. i miss sidney so badly. the need to talk to him. seek some comfort. allow myself to just let it all out. i cant bear this any longer. it gets worse every fucking day. i need o job to kill time. to be away from this hell hole. to be self sufficient so that i dont have to depend on those 2 bastards who use it against me. fuck them. i hate them. and will always will. no matter how much he tries making it up with all the materialistic aspects. to hell with him.

on another note..happy birthday dear!!hehh..hope yu enjoy your birthday in camp..im missing yu out here..and i cant spend your birthday with yu.. :( well,when yu come out k?hehh..love yu so much dear..

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/12/2005 11:43:00 pm | Put your comment here

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

its a tues, the fifth day of his camp. faith and i are like counting down to the day alvin and sid come out. heh. went out with faith yest, made a fool of ourselves, had fun, bought stuff, tried to inquire about jobs. it was nice catching up with her after so long. supposed to be going for interviews today but both nana and faith cant make it so i guess ill sit at home today and be good and do my mum's work for her. i dont like ns. :( cant wait for him to come out so i can fill him in on so many things. but he does call me every single day. tough we cant talk long cos im always scared his batt will run out really fast. heh. im gonna go laze around for a while and watch cartoons. heh.

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/11/2005 01:06:00 pm | Put your comment here

Saturday, January 08, 2005

just got back from jun/wen's house..it was great meeting the 401 girls..so much to catch up and all..everyone's great la.. :) yup..playing mahjong,watching movies,gossiping..back to what it was in sec sch..heh..yup..but one thing i absolutely hated was the fact that everyone was scolding me about sidney..which i absulutely detested..i made a choice and be happy for me..period..

its only been 2 days since he's gone in!!!!oh no..i better start getting used to it..but he's been a real darling by calling up everytime.. :)well,i better go keep my mum company now!!

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/08/2005 11:51:00 pm | Put your comment here

Thursday, January 06, 2005

i hate ns. pleh. im really gonna miss him. well, im actually feeling the effects of it already. these past few days have been wonderful. really wonderful. though i admit i have been quite a crybaby. but hey, i tried. and at least i didnt cry that much in front of him. ive given myself a few minutes every night before i sleep to cry. heh. that sounds pretty pathetic. but ya..that was the only way i could prevent myself from crying so much in front of him.

hey yu.its been a hell of a ride for us,but we're coming out strong.take care in ns and know that ill be thinking of yu out here. im so glad to have yu in my life. and i dont mind weathering any storm for yu. but your little tummy will be gone after ns. :( and hey,even your bald headed look will do. heh. btw,happy anniversary darling. :) -i love yu- muacks

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/06/2005 11:38:00 pm | Put your comment here

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

the new year's started off well.im feeling so good now.so warm and secure.that fuzzy wuzzy feeling.the past 2 days have been magical. really. ive never been so sure of us the way i am at this point in time. im totally convinced yu love me the way i do. im convinced that this relationship is gonna be strong and wonderful.im just gonna miss yu more when yure enlisting on fri. :( ive so much within me to pour out. so many happy thought that cant be put into words. so many of these feelings arent meant to be let out here. well,im happy that we talked certain things out. i guess cos yu hardly like talking about such things which makes the tmes yu talk about it more special. yup. i just hope it'll stay like this forever.

here's to the new year and hopes that life will have many more happy things in store for me and all my friends!

lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/04/2005 08:57:00 pm | Put your comment here