fairy tales
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Saturday, September 30, 2006

a visit back to SA yesterday felt really good. visiting teachers with troy. a common thing most teachers said. go find a new bf in uni. i said come look at the standard of guys in ntu ma'am. hahh. and most said, get over sidney. he was such a distraction to yu in jc anyways. yu can do better than that. hahh. yes ma'am. im over him. but feelings remain. cant be helped! :) miss chua asked me not to talk to him entirely. hehh. cos he aint worth it. hahha. i wish i could ma'am. mrs ram called me a bitch. hahha. even teachers recognise that side of me. hehh. which isnt bad. being a bitch is good sometimes. :) and she even said i was a bad girl. boo.

SA brought back memories la. was nice yet it sucked. had a really nice chat with troy. and how we just get attracted to the wrong kind of person. hahh. and how what we fel for a person is always so strong. and up till now, i can still remember how it all started. the exact words in the msg. the days. 26th sept. friday night. awkward study date at marine parade. 6th oct. lit paper. not studying for hist. suntec macs. and blue flower. troy was so surprised. hehh. but yes. it matters that much.but yure happy now. and thats good.

people change and thats inevitable. it's the transitions stages that we go through. some things change, some dont though. ive changes quite a bit. but the bad habits stayed.

and thanks roomie. for taking care of me last night when i was rolling in bed in pain. makin my food hot. filling up my hot water bag. finding meds for me. :)

are my posts aways depressing?? heh. maybe its cos i use this as an ave to rant and release when im down.

thanks leon for the tag. i know yure there for me and care. :) thats why i trust yu with every dirty little secret of mine. :)

off to do japan project.


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 9/30/2006 02:12:00 pm | Put your comment here

Friday, September 29, 2006

everytime this friend comes up to my room and is all unsettled with whats going on in her life, i start feeling unsettled too. i start thinking all over again. not just thinking but wishing sometimes. i admire her for the courage to take that step to let her feelings be known to a person who was once in her life. ill never dare. cos all ill get is ignorance. the words 'disillusional dumb fuck' still linger till this day.

how is it ever possible to forget the feeling one shared with another unless it wasnt true? i can never understand. ive gotta see more of life. sometimes i wanna be adventurous. and the next moment i just wanna be the average girl. and at other times, i wanna hole up in my room.

i blew him off today. and didnt pick up the phone calls and reply the msges after. maybe im not up to it yet? not now. or maybe its just the menses talking.



just before all this shit, life's been great for the past 2 months odd. had lotsa fun with mag,meng, zhen and chelle zouk-ing on weds. it was our way of spending time together. fri was spent at des's hse just before meng left. it was my best night spent in a long time with the rg netballers. everyone was there at some point. what i love abt them is being able to be ourselves. we all have our vices, but i know all of the are good people within. we dont judge each other. we are fucking honest with each other. just sitting by the poolside. accompanied by junk, jack daniels, smokes and great company. :) :) :) then sat was to loof for the air force party thing with mag and chelle. then zouk which was pretty fun. and meng's left. boo. come back soon babe. im missing yu already!

last night was nana's bday celebration at new york new york. food sucked. boo. :( then down to zouk. which i kinda wasnt in the mood for and i got pissed off and somehow just wanted to be alone. met sandy and the rest which provided reprive for a while. and thanks to chengs for sitting outside and speaking to me.

ill upload pics when im feeling up to it. and now im just not. going back to sav tmr. gotta wake at 8. and i have pysche myself for that. hahh. :)

nights people.

current missing list-
betty!!
levina
meng
yu
another yu


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 9/29/2006 03:38:00 am | Put your comment here

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

friends, just dont be fucking selfish. its for a friend after all. urgh.

retail theraphy helped a bit today.

yu didnt have to apologise. cos it didnt matter. i wont deny i was hurt. ive got my pride after all. i thought yu better than that anyways, but i just wished i knew yu better to understand. never expected anything out of this though.

and stop hounding me guys. respect my decision and dont force me to do things against my own will. cos it doesnt make me happy. and is that what yu guys want? yu want me for your own use and thats it. thanks a lot.


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 9/27/2006 03:29:00 pm | Put your comment here

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

today has been no exception to the moodiness and upset-ness. just when i said not yet. just not now at least. it happened. oh wells, life goes on. didnt get much studying done. tmr its project time.

sometimes answers are not necessary, sometimes they are. and well, ive come to a point in my life i cant really be bothered with answers now.

people are really selfish. whether they are people yu hold dear or not. i was disappointed. really. i wished i would have been proven wrong today.

im really random today. my thoughts are flying everywhere.

both of yu have been disappointing. and i just dont know what to say anymore. im wthdrawing all over again. sigh.


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 9/26/2006 01:48:00 am | Put your comment here

Monday, September 25, 2006

i lost the urge to blog for this short period. and ive been too busy. everything's jumping at me now. school, family, friends. i needed space to breathe. many events taking place lately. some i cant even recollect.

its the time of the month soon. and here i am feeling moody and down all over again. this aided by many other reasons. the mother's ill. and i feel bad not being able to be with her much. not being able to take away her pain. cos she means the world to me. and i cant bear to see her cry. to see her putting all her effort in climbing uo the stairs to the bedroom. to see her praying on a chair cos she cant bend. i wish my mum would recover. or at least lessen her pain.

i can never understand how peple can get so selfish that they never consider other people's feelings when making decisions. when throwing their tantrum. when only bothering about what they want and feel. its something i have to learn as well.

and yu. knowing yu has been nice. its been lovely. yu intrigue me with your thoughts, your stories. yu amaze me by how yu know how to lead your life. how to work people. your mind games. hate them, love them. your frankness and how yu still manage to get things your way no matter how frank yu may be. your confidence or over-confidence. what people say about yu. i guess eventually they may be right. well, partly. maybe this is just it. i dont know. i wish not. not yet at least.

someone asked me this. how can yu not love someone who loves yu so unconditionally? i cant answer that cos im trying hard to search for that answer too. and evoked certain emotions i dont want to stir up anymore. but it did. would yu say my love is/was unconditional? i told that friend to go ask yu. yu'd be the best person to know that answer. the question brought about questions ive so been wanting answers to but ill keep them to myself. cos we're all selfish people. we wont think about how the other person feels. we do things for ourselves. we ignore people when we just dont feel like facing things, not considering how upset the other person feels. we say mean things. we turn cold.

and evetually we become skeptical of this thing called love.
its the best and worst thing.

oh,im feeling so moody and emotional.

reccess week. work has to be done. moodiness disappear.


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 9/25/2006 12:17:00 am | Put your comment here

Saturday, September 09, 2006

its funny how humans function. we know what we're not supposed to do. yet, we fall further into things, only to get burnt. dont play with fire. but we still do. i couldnt say anything else to describe this.

chengs is leaving for hall 16 tmr. sigh. last night here and we cooked and ate and room visited. edwin played so many nice songs on the guitar and sang to us. thats when i felt a bit bit down. i thought of that day. stupid me.

and i heard news. sigh. cant believe people can change so much. im disappointed and saddened.

im confused. :(


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 9/09/2006 03:28:00 am | Put your comment here


sadaf. 19. rgs-sajc-ntu business. netball.

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