last night was fun. :) wish i could drink myself silly. and have even more fun. but i know i must look after myself. the gastric didnt allow me to drink much. but well, its fun to dance even when im not high. i'd just get high dancing. :) guys are pretty destructive. but i dont understand why we cant stop loving them. why we still see them as the one. its frustrating. well, i hope yure fine zhen. cheer up. :)
i have moved on with my life. mostly. i still think yure the one. ill still love yu. and ill be there for yu. but im happy with my life. my friends are just great. im starting to feel good about myself all over again. :)
cant wait for the hols to be over and be back in hall. :)
do i really wander around the block so much?? hahha. i though that sounded pretty funny. must ask cai about it. hehh.
this pic was from the last time we clubbed at zouk. 2 weeks maybe?? :)
i have moved on with my life. mostly. i still think yure the one. ill still love yu. and ill be there for yu. but im happy with my life. my friends are just great. im starting to feel good about myself all over again. :)
cant wait for the hols to be over and be back in hall. :)
do i really wander around the block so much?? hahha. i though that sounded pretty funny. must ask cai about it. hehh.
this pic was from the last time we clubbed at zouk. 2 weeks maybe?? :)
nights. :)
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/31/2006 12:04:00 am | Put your comment here
it sucks being sick. for the whole damn week. first it was the fever and major headache. then its gastric and stomach flu. been puking so much the tummy hurts so bad. not been able to do much. im just hoping to recover soon. and thanks to everyone who looked after me in hall. :) and those who helped me move my stuff to my new room when i was unwell. jingwen, jacelyn, thanks a lot! and clarence for carrying my fridge and junfeng for carrying the tv. :) and sandy for cleaning my room. im very happy in my new room. and its so cosy. :) im determined to keep it clean now that illbe in the room most of the time.
oh yes, we won ih netball. :) pretty happy. didnt play though. thanks to the cap on ivp players. bah. well, at least we won. but now lessons may not be learnt. mistakes may not be magnified. sigh. well, only time will tell.
its gonna be a long holiday. i wanna catch up on the studies but im feeling too weak to do so. sigh. please get well soon.
and now, things are bad again. and i had the worst dream ever last night. sigh.
i miss yu.
oh yes, we won ih netball. :) pretty happy. didnt play though. thanks to the cap on ivp players. bah. well, at least we won. but now lessons may not be learnt. mistakes may not be magnified. sigh. well, only time will tell.
its gonna be a long holiday. i wanna catch up on the studies but im feeling too weak to do so. sigh. please get well soon.
and now, things are bad again. and i had the worst dream ever last night. sigh.
i miss yu.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/28/2006 02:25:00 pm | Put your comment here
2 months.
the emotions are rather eratic. sometimes, i feel so down thinking about it. and there's times when i feel optimistic. when i feel things are good the way they are right now. i know what i should do/feel. yet, its hard to keep to that path.
memories keep coming back at every instance. like last sat when the class met up. seeing the other couples and how sweet and loving they were hurt. cos it made me miss yu even more. it made me think back on the times when we used to be happy together and the pride i felt with yu being mine.
i wish yu'd see what im feeling sometimes.
well, that aside, bball girls into finals for ih. :) against hall 6. i want the gold. i want it for netball as well. but its hard to say whether we'll get it for netball. sigh. softball guys won today. first gold. :) track is on tmr. hopefully the girls will win. :)
with ivp over, and the crazy week of coaching, its time to get the fat ass down to studying. biz law is fun. very fun. the rest, im not too sure about. heh. so from the coming week onwards.
back to hall tmr. somehow, a part of me doesnt like coming back home. it brings about this loneliness. ive not much to say to my mum anymore. its quite sad. and there's this empty feeling. staying in hall takes me from everything familiar.
-why cant i be as lucky as those other people are, i guess i must be wisshing on someone else's star-
the emotions are rather eratic. sometimes, i feel so down thinking about it. and there's times when i feel optimistic. when i feel things are good the way they are right now. i know what i should do/feel. yet, its hard to keep to that path.
memories keep coming back at every instance. like last sat when the class met up. seeing the other couples and how sweet and loving they were hurt. cos it made me miss yu even more. it made me think back on the times when we used to be happy together and the pride i felt with yu being mine.
i wish yu'd see what im feeling sometimes.
well, that aside, bball girls into finals for ih. :) against hall 6. i want the gold. i want it for netball as well. but its hard to say whether we'll get it for netball. sigh. softball guys won today. first gold. :) track is on tmr. hopefully the girls will win. :)
with ivp over, and the crazy week of coaching, its time to get the fat ass down to studying. biz law is fun. very fun. the rest, im not too sure about. heh. so from the coming week onwards.
back to hall tmr. somehow, a part of me doesnt like coming back home. it brings about this loneliness. ive not much to say to my mum anymore. its quite sad. and there's this empty feeling. staying in hall takes me from everything familiar.
-why cant i be as lucky as those other people are, i guess i must be wisshing on someone else's star-
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/22/2006 12:26:00 am | Put your comment here
ivp finals was hed today. and we won. :) yup. though i didnt play and was slightly sad about it. but im grateful for this season. for what ive learned in the past few games.
and congrats to the cheerleaders of hall7!! :) yu guys deserve to win. and im so happy for sandy especially. girl, everything paid off. :) yu reap the rewards of all the effort yuve put in. im so happy for yu babe. a pity i couldnt be there to see it.
now there's other things to be concerned about. ih basketball semis tmr against hall3. and there's netball finals which has a lot to worry about.
and then there's yu.
i have to do sth about it..
its an early day tmr. have to wake up at 6. urgh. time to sleep!
and congrats to the cheerleaders of hall7!! :) yu guys deserve to win. and im so happy for sandy especially. girl, everything paid off. :) yu reap the rewards of all the effort yuve put in. im so happy for yu babe. a pity i couldnt be there to see it.
now there's other things to be concerned about. ih basketball semis tmr against hall3. and there's netball finals which has a lot to worry about.
and then there's yu.
i have to do sth about it..
its an early day tmr. have to wake up at 6. urgh. time to sleep!
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/19/2006 01:48:00 am | Put your comment here
it's funny. im feeling so down right now cos of yu. yet, the only person whom i want by my side right now, lifting me out of this hole is yu. and i know it'll never happen. why can't i tell myself its all not worth it? why do i keep thinking yu're worth every bit of my time and love? why cant i see it the way others do? why i can't i see yu not bothering about me and tell myself thats enough to make me move on? i try. i really do.
i woke up from a really disturbing dream. about yu. my dream was a reflection of reality. i wanted yu back in my life so badly but yu kept pushing me away. kept telling me its never gonna be possible. and i know how true that was. i woke up in the morning and cried. cos it was so real. it was real. its the truth. i didnt have a good sleep at all. i kept dozing off at every opportunity i had. just cos of the dream. :(
ive decided. not to go for anymore class gatherings in a long time. cos i know it'll make me upset looking at how he would talk to the rest of the girls and avoid me. we shared so much and its come to nothing now. sigh. and it would not make it awkward for everyone else. and they dont have to keep asking me how im doing.ill spare yu guys the agony. i just gotta be away from things that will hurt me. im protecting myself.
it hurts all over again.
time, thats what i need. loads of it.
i woke up from a really disturbing dream. about yu. my dream was a reflection of reality. i wanted yu back in my life so badly but yu kept pushing me away. kept telling me its never gonna be possible. and i know how true that was. i woke up in the morning and cried. cos it was so real. it was real. its the truth. i didnt have a good sleep at all. i kept dozing off at every opportunity i had. just cos of the dream. :(
ive decided. not to go for anymore class gatherings in a long time. cos i know it'll make me upset looking at how he would talk to the rest of the girls and avoid me. we shared so much and its come to nothing now. sigh. and it would not make it awkward for everyone else. and they dont have to keep asking me how im doing.ill spare yu guys the agony. i just gotta be away from things that will hurt me. im protecting myself.
it hurts all over again.
time, thats what i need. loads of it.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/18/2006 01:36:00 am | Put your comment here
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
-
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
i heard this song 3 times on the radio today and the words just hit me. its so what i would wanna say to yu. its so what im feeling right now. its just so meaningful at this stage. and the song/lyrics in itself hold such a deep meaning thats rather sad. :(
sigh.
but i told myself not to feel this way. i dont wanna give myself a long time to get over this but i cant help it when the feeling resurfaces. sigh. sometimes i wish i could understand everything then maybe it wont be this hard. yu never get what yu want all the time. yu never get closure all the time.
im really hollow.
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
-
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
i heard this song 3 times on the radio today and the words just hit me. its so what i would wanna say to yu. its so what im feeling right now. its just so meaningful at this stage. and the song/lyrics in itself hold such a deep meaning thats rather sad. :(
sigh.
but i told myself not to feel this way. i dont wanna give myself a long time to get over this but i cant help it when the feeling resurfaces. sigh. sometimes i wish i could understand everything then maybe it wont be this hard. yu never get what yu want all the time. yu never get closure all the time.
im really hollow.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/17/2006 01:16:00 am | Put your comment here
he looked so contented and happy with life without me. sigh. and of course it hurts. hurts pretty bad. and i thought things would be fine. its so different now. all my efforts seem futile. down the drain in just one night. questions that i buried with no answers have resurfaced all over again. im so hopeless. and they he makes me feel around him. the difference in a friend and one thats not. the importance in one's life. the awkward feeling. the avoiding. its so irritating. if only we could just be normal. there doesnt have to be anything more, but nothing less either. i never knew how yu felt. never will either eh. sigh. seeing him opens up every wound ive taken a long time to conceal. and it breaks the heart all over again.
pain.
there are other issues as well. so much for leading my life my way.
pain.
there are other issues as well. so much for leading my life my way.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/15/2006 03:29:00 am | Put your comment here
new year eve photos are up now! steamboat and drinking back in hall.
mojo trini me. 2 blackies and one white maiden in between. :)
rain and me. :) drinking time!!they made wonderful drinks with malibu and pineapple and orange juice sprite and lemon. :)
rain and me again. :) when we just got back from canvassing at woodlands.
all the girls before midnight. hongying mojo jeitling jac trini qiyan rain lirong and me.
with rain and sandy. :) wonderful block 40 stayers. :)
enough of pics for now. well, the videos are far more interesting but shall stay private. hehh. yes. time to get down to doing some work. :)
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/10/2006 04:56:00 pm | Put your comment here
must i really go think stuff that may not even exist? i dont understand why i give myself this extra sadness when i dont need it right now. be happy sadaf and dont complicate things.
so its been raining. and the first ivp match was cancelled. how irritating.cos it was cancelled when we were on our way there and the rain had already stopped. sigh. and i missed 107 cos of that. urgh. im not being allowed to stick to my plan!! yes.
the stay over at des's house with the rgs netballers was fun. but we were missing meng and chelle. just chilling, cooking up instant food and watching movies. :) thanks for the advice babes. i know yu guys care for me and want me to be happy. i know yu want me to forget sidney and move on cos he's not worth it. and yu guys know im already trying. and ive made progress. :) and i understand what yu're driving at mag. yure right. but it takes time. we'll see how it goes yar. for now ill make the most out of being in ntu and maintaining the wonderful friendships i have. :)
gonna go for the sports sec meeting to raise our point for netball finals now. crossing my fingers. lets pray everything goes well.
so its been raining. and the first ivp match was cancelled. how irritating.cos it was cancelled when we were on our way there and the rain had already stopped. sigh. and i missed 107 cos of that. urgh. im not being allowed to stick to my plan!! yes.
the stay over at des's house with the rgs netballers was fun. but we were missing meng and chelle. just chilling, cooking up instant food and watching movies. :) thanks for the advice babes. i know yu guys care for me and want me to be happy. i know yu want me to forget sidney and move on cos he's not worth it. and yu guys know im already trying. and ive made progress. :) and i understand what yu're driving at mag. yure right. but it takes time. we'll see how it goes yar. for now ill make the most out of being in ntu and maintaining the wonderful friendships i have. :)
gonna go for the sports sec meeting to raise our point for netball finals now. crossing my fingers. lets pray everything goes well.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/09/2006 09:43:00 pm | Put your comment here
alrights. a poto-filled entry (for once). cos i just got the photos from everyone. :)
the netballers at the airport. sending des off on her trip to japan.zhen,me,peiying,meng,belle,mag. i look so tired after a day of ih trainings and isg.
the netballers at the airport. sending des off on her trip to japan.zhen,me,peiying,meng,belle,mag. i look so tired after a day of ih trainings and isg. 
now with des here! we're missing chelle and yasmin! if not it'll be all 9 of us there. and yes, im glad yu enjoyed your trip des!
with meng. im missing yu babe. miss the times spent with yu. even clubbing with yu, des and zhen. the best clubbing mates ever. :) enjoy yourself in uk. we're waiting for yu to get back!! :) so those were pics from the day we sent desiree off to japan. im so amazed at her ability to travel alone. sooo brave. ill never be able to do that. ever. glad she's back safe. :)
here's pics from boxing day..if im not wrong. hehh. :) with the hall 7 girls.
with the hall 7 girls in town. at the fair outside ngee ann city. god. i look so freaking black. :( sunblock didnt work the whole hols. hoping the blackness will fade soon.
outside tangs. they had pretty lights. hongying, cheng boon, grace, sandy, me, rain, francine. :)
with grace. this photo is evidence of my body being an oreo in itself. compare the face to the little tummy shown and then the legs. like how gross is that. :( please get fairer.
next, gl bbq on 30th dec.
a random photo of the female gls. :) throughout the whole bbq whenever a photo was to be taken, i would remind them to have the flash on, for fear of myself blending into the dark background. :( yes. yes. im so dark.
with cheng ngee. :)
the ih netballers of the group. qiyan,me,fran,rain.,hongying.
the block 40 girls. :) sandy rain fran chengboon chengngee me grace always having fun with this bunch plus hong ying.
the softballers of the group! :) cheng rain sandy me fran cheng grace derrickong hongying qiyan
alright. the post seems to be getting too long. new years eve pics will be up soon. i took so long to get these uploaded. and more of the stay over at des's house etc when i have more energy. :)
ivp's starting tmr and first match is against smu. hope the team plays well. :)
im feeling happy. yet i feel i did sth stupid just now. urgh.
nights.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/08/2006 10:53:00 pm | Put your comment here
so the new year has come! looking forward to this new year. im gonna leave everything behind me in the year that has passed and be happy. :) new years eve was spent canvassing for inner reflexion then steamboating and drinkning in hall. had fun. lotsa fun. but still nursing the hangover from yest. cant remember much. but yes, in hong ying's words, im gonna be laughed at. :( silly me.
well, the past week has been good and bad. ih games this week were not so good. hockey was lost to hall 5 2-1 on penalty flicks. i made mine count but then again. we still lost. sigh. volleyball lost to hall 2. sigh. and softball was the saddest. lost to hall 6. sigh sigh sigh. it was such a winnable game. and i made silly mistakes too. which makes it even sadder. and after this year, hongying and li rong wont be around. sighh. its been fun playing with the team this year. :) we shall just work harder for bball and netball ya?
uni starts in a day. somehow looking forward to it. :) yes yes. :) well, im gonna watch tv now. back home finally. have a good year everyone! :) and be happy!!!
well, the past week has been good and bad. ih games this week were not so good. hockey was lost to hall 5 2-1 on penalty flicks. i made mine count but then again. we still lost. sigh. volleyball lost to hall 2. sigh. and softball was the saddest. lost to hall 6. sigh sigh sigh. it was such a winnable game. and i made silly mistakes too. which makes it even sadder. and after this year, hongying and li rong wont be around. sighh. its been fun playing with the team this year. :) we shall just work harder for bball and netball ya?
uni starts in a day. somehow looking forward to it. :) yes yes. :) well, im gonna watch tv now. back home finally. have a good year everyone! :) and be happy!!!
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 1/01/2006 10:46:00 pm | Put your comment here
