so much to say yet, now that im here, staring at this page, i cant seem to pen them down. hm.im just tired from everything now. from foc prep. and all the work that has to be done. its back to the irregular hours of sleep. which kinda makes me cranky nowadays. and right now the pms doesnt help. im becoming more bitchy.
ive had to shift all my stuff out of the room for the stupid painters to come in and paint the room. waiting in sandys room. but the painters disappeared. making me wait fucking long. grr. cranky me.
im gonna quite pre rouge today. i have to remember to call luke to settle pageant stuff. settle the make up artist issue. decide on group identity. come up with gl performance. call freshies up. need to shift more stuff from home back to hall. meet the rg netballers. and i still told leon ill get the cake for zhen hao. hah.smart girl. but well, that'll be convenient if dad drives me to hall come sunday. so many things to do. all these by sunday night.
and now mr painter guy is in my room painting. and he wore his shoes in!!! okay i just dont really wanna clean anymore. im tired. urgh.
ive had to shift all my stuff out of the room for the stupid painters to come in and paint the room. waiting in sandys room. but the painters disappeared. making me wait fucking long. grr. cranky me.
im gonna quite pre rouge today. i have to remember to call luke to settle pageant stuff. settle the make up artist issue. decide on group identity. come up with gl performance. call freshies up. need to shift more stuff from home back to hall. meet the rg netballers. and i still told leon ill get the cake for zhen hao. hah.smart girl. but well, that'll be convenient if dad drives me to hall come sunday. so many things to do. all these by sunday night.
and now mr painter guy is in my room painting. and he wore his shoes in!!! okay i just dont really wanna clean anymore. im tired. urgh.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 7/29/2006 12:49:00 pm | Put your comment here
okay first, i need to rant. having this love hate relationship with joey. he's my cat by the way. he's like a furball, so round and fat and quirky. but but but, no matter how we try, its impossible to toilet train him!! he shits everywhere. and right now my room and my bros room have become fave shitting places. urgh. irritating. im so scared he'll start peeing all over my stuff which is basically all over the floor. and pee is so hard to detect. esp if it were on my clothes or bags or whateverr. i feel like killing him for being such a menace. wanna throw him out of the house. couldnt he be more like saber. who is my dog by the way. like sabers so well disciplined. guess thats where the diff between dogs and cats come in. stupid darn cat. woke up from my sleep today from the smell of cat poo. what a start to the dayy. grrrr..
so ya. now. update update. been shying away from work quite a bit recently. money doesnt have that driving force anymore. i just wanna live off my parents for now. its more convenient. but i gotta start building that discipline and independence financially cos ill have to manage my own finances when i go out to work. which is soon. been covering coaching at ngee ann. which has been enjoyable for this batch of students. cos they love me too! ahahha. they're easier to talk to. and they keep asking me to come back. i wanna go back too cos the moneys good. hahha.. better get my level one coaching soon. theres also scgs coaching. i find it hard to train younger kids. cos yu kinda have to be strict with them or else they dont really listen and being strict just builds this gap between yu and the students which i dont really enjoy. trying to adopt a more lax method of coaching. but i hope they'd just respect me in return. :)
seniors camp was on the weekend before this. was pretty slack. but i was uber tired after the 2 and a half days. wonder how ill survive the real foc for 5 days being a gl!!! gosh. hahh. and i realised im the worst gl in my grp. hardly know any of those games to play during orientation and the cheers are killing me as well. bah. am trying to learn everything now. hehh.
2 consec weeks of clubbing. first was disappointing more than anything. shant say much. and the next was enjoyable. as ive always said, clubbing with the rg netballers is always fun fun fun! and then there was gladys, huishan and ying ling. not too bad clubbing with them either. but when sch starts, we'll all be busy. and meng will be flying off to uk in a month i think. boo.
finally shifted my stuff over to the single room. what a tiring process. 4 floors down and 4 floors up. some things to do with that got me a bit put off too. but oh well, its over.
oh god, this is such a boring post. im just too lazyy.
somehow this week has been very uplifting. life's looking up again. :) higher than ever. new sem starting. a new beginning to everything. confidence is back up there. and it'll just be happy happy happy from now. friends dont disappoint me!! :) im gonna be a busy busy girl soon. and its the first time im looking for ward to being so fucking busy. :)
"Superstition lies in the space between what we can control and what we can't. Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. No one wants to pass up a chance for good luck. But does saying it 33 times really help? Is anyone actually listening? Why do we bother doing those strange things? We rely on superstitions because we're smart enough to know we don't have all the answers.. and that life works in mysterious ways. Don't diss the juju, from wherever it comes."
so ya. now. update update. been shying away from work quite a bit recently. money doesnt have that driving force anymore. i just wanna live off my parents for now. its more convenient. but i gotta start building that discipline and independence financially cos ill have to manage my own finances when i go out to work. which is soon. been covering coaching at ngee ann. which has been enjoyable for this batch of students. cos they love me too! ahahha. they're easier to talk to. and they keep asking me to come back. i wanna go back too cos the moneys good. hahha.. better get my level one coaching soon. theres also scgs coaching. i find it hard to train younger kids. cos yu kinda have to be strict with them or else they dont really listen and being strict just builds this gap between yu and the students which i dont really enjoy. trying to adopt a more lax method of coaching. but i hope they'd just respect me in return. :)
seniors camp was on the weekend before this. was pretty slack. but i was uber tired after the 2 and a half days. wonder how ill survive the real foc for 5 days being a gl!!! gosh. hahh. and i realised im the worst gl in my grp. hardly know any of those games to play during orientation and the cheers are killing me as well. bah. am trying to learn everything now. hehh.
2 consec weeks of clubbing. first was disappointing more than anything. shant say much. and the next was enjoyable. as ive always said, clubbing with the rg netballers is always fun fun fun! and then there was gladys, huishan and ying ling. not too bad clubbing with them either. but when sch starts, we'll all be busy. and meng will be flying off to uk in a month i think. boo.
finally shifted my stuff over to the single room. what a tiring process. 4 floors down and 4 floors up. some things to do with that got me a bit put off too. but oh well, its over.
oh god, this is such a boring post. im just too lazyy.
somehow this week has been very uplifting. life's looking up again. :) higher than ever. new sem starting. a new beginning to everything. confidence is back up there. and it'll just be happy happy happy from now. friends dont disappoint me!! :) im gonna be a busy busy girl soon. and its the first time im looking for ward to being so fucking busy. :)
"Superstition lies in the space between what we can control and what we can't. Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. No one wants to pass up a chance for good luck. But does saying it 33 times really help? Is anyone actually listening? Why do we bother doing those strange things? We rely on superstitions because we're smart enough to know we don't have all the answers.. and that life works in mysterious ways. Don't diss the juju, from wherever it comes."
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 7/23/2006 12:04:00 am | Put your comment here
up and down and up and down. it just goes on and on. that irritating cycle. today started off well. was looking like a good day. though it would end well. had the meeting. clarence decided to use luke for the events management and modelling sponsor. proposed the idea of chair- ing next years dnd com. bought new havianas. a pretty babydoll mango dress. went for netball match. played quite well. was thinking of sandys birthday plan. next wed's game again extremes sonique. then clubbing at zouk. came home and things still looked fine. then then then the screwed up timetable issue came up. parents being asses. rain and jingwen&loos room issue. which im quite tired of hearing esp when it doesnt have to concern me. sandy pissing me off. and yu. and then i just feel helpless. and when i think i need a friend to talk to. who do i call now? cant think of anyone. scared some may be pissed. dont wanna disturb others. they may just think im being stupid. and then most of the rest have just disappeared. dosent that just add to that loneliness yu are already feeling? okay maybe this fucked up feeling will be gone tmr. most likely it will be gone. but now i just cant seem to help but feel frustrated. fucked up. highly agitated.
hahh. my mum was telling me about 6 days of the religious calender when god will confirm listen to your prayers. i told her no use one. i prayed for some impt things but it hasnt come true yet. god hasnt answered my prayers yet. and she said thats because yu never do things his way. yu never follow the religion properly. so isnt it the same as praying on other days cos no matter what your prayers are only answered when yu follow the religion closely. and god has to answer your prayers when yure religious cos he has no reason not to when what he wants from yu is to folow the religion. unless he has a balloting system for days other than those 6 days. lucky ones get their prayers answered. okay thats just lame. but then again. my mum is how freaking religious. yet her prayers are not answered. cos all she asks for is a happy family. for my dad to have some brains(well not literally, but yu get the idea). but it hasnt come true. not one bit. and this is years of praying. i remember i asked her to pray when iwanted this particular thing in my life to be rectified so bad. it hasnt yet. so whats the point of praying? of asking for tings from god? are these prayers unreasonable? is it too much to ask from god? happiness. in that particular form yu wanted it in. im not angry at yu, god. i just wish yu'd answer my prayers.
"No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. So we lie."
hahh. my mum was telling me about 6 days of the religious calender when god will confirm listen to your prayers. i told her no use one. i prayed for some impt things but it hasnt come true yet. god hasnt answered my prayers yet. and she said thats because yu never do things his way. yu never follow the religion properly. so isnt it the same as praying on other days cos no matter what your prayers are only answered when yu follow the religion closely. and god has to answer your prayers when yure religious cos he has no reason not to when what he wants from yu is to folow the religion. unless he has a balloting system for days other than those 6 days. lucky ones get their prayers answered. okay thats just lame. but then again. my mum is how freaking religious. yet her prayers are not answered. cos all she asks for is a happy family. for my dad to have some brains(well not literally, but yu get the idea). but it hasnt come true. not one bit. and this is years of praying. i remember i asked her to pray when iwanted this particular thing in my life to be rectified so bad. it hasnt yet. so whats the point of praying? of asking for tings from god? are these prayers unreasonable? is it too much to ask from god? happiness. in that particular form yu wanted it in. im not angry at yu, god. i just wish yu'd answer my prayers.
"No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. So we lie."
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 7/06/2006 02:18:00 am | Put your comment here
yesterdays conversation was somewhat relieving. it lessened the pain. sometimes maybe when yu tell yourself yu did a good job, give yourself a pat on the back, it helps. it helps yu feel good about yourself.
i know now i really will never stop loving him. but life goes on. =) so much yet to see in life. ill just look back and smile at the times i spent with him. at least i had an impact on him. it was worth it. =)
seniors camp coming up. =) cant wait to start getting busy again. =)
now i just need to be nursed by mummy dearest. being sick isnt fun when theres coaching and training tmr. boo.
"Pain. You just have to ride it out. You can only hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside."
i know now i really will never stop loving him. but life goes on. =) so much yet to see in life. ill just look back and smile at the times i spent with him. at least i had an impact on him. it was worth it. =)
seniors camp coming up. =) cant wait to start getting busy again. =)
now i just need to be nursed by mummy dearest. being sick isnt fun when theres coaching and training tmr. boo.
"Pain. You just have to ride it out. You can only hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside."
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 7/04/2006 01:50:00 am | Put your comment here
just the slightest thing makes me upset noww. seeing bits and pieces of it makes me sad already. im glad idont know more. eventually, its all about suffering in silence cos no one can really do anything about it. maybe everyone else but me. i can. its not that im choosing not to. try being in my shoes. feeling this way. its not fun. it isnt. i cant begin to even express how much i want this feeling to disappear and not influence my emotions and life.
faltering shall not be an option anymore. 2 years of my 20 years. its measely. so it shouldnt matter. but i lived my life in that 2 years.
but yes, no more faltering.
yu be happy. that matters. sometimes what we want for ourselves is not important.
time. will tell every story.
one day yu will see.
i dont know whether to start hating yu to make things easier. but i will never bring myself to. no matter what.
"Pain. You just have to ride it out. You can only hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside."
faltering shall not be an option anymore. 2 years of my 20 years. its measely. so it shouldnt matter. but i lived my life in that 2 years.
but yes, no more faltering.
yu be happy. that matters. sometimes what we want for ourselves is not important.
time. will tell every story.
one day yu will see.
i dont know whether to start hating yu to make things easier. but i will never bring myself to. no matter what.
"Pain. You just have to ride it out. You can only hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside."
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 7/01/2006 02:40:00 am | Put your comment here
