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Sunday, December 25, 2005

and all i really want for christmas is yu. :)


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/25/2005 01:37:00 pm | Put your comment here

Saturday, December 24, 2005

so one whole freaking week has passed and its christmas now. finally back at home ill mon. sigh. so damn boring. alright. update on the week. netbll camp at the start of the week. horrible horrible horrible. im feeling like shit about ivp trainings now. well, sometimes yu win some yu lose some. the legs wont move fast enough, the hands dont come up fast, the body aint able to jump high enough. sigh. it feels like crap. but the minds not strong and the body's weak. well, apart from that, netball quarters was played on wed. won hall 12. 30 something to 6 i think. not a good game but most of us were drained from the camp. then thurs was the 2nd game of volleyball. lost that one to hall10. not well played at all. though i didnt play that match. understandable. :) glad i went for hockey training that day. got into hockey and played our 2 matches yesterday. lost to 14 on penalty shots. sucked man. i missed mine and felt like shit. :( cos we were obviously the better team. sigh. but we won hall 9, 2-0!! :) happy happy. cos i scored one of the goals. i was estatic cos ive never played hockey before. :) and bball was today. won hall11 97-6. :) things are looking up. though im getting nervous now. cos the games are gonna get tougher. semis for netball against hall 6 on thurs. have to play really well. and bball semis against hall 3. quite scared. and hockey quarters are on tues!!! against hall 11. and softball as well. gosh. busy busy week.

well, its christmas eve and this year its spent at home alone. sigh. its different this year. the past 2 years was spent with that person who meant the most. that special someone. but this year it isnt the same anymore. theres a slight tinge of sadness in that. and christmas doesnt feel all that warm and fuzzy and happy anymore, but im not totally unhappy. im not gonna wallow and be upset. cos ive come to realise a lot in the past 2 days and im happy about that. finally one month after it all happened im gonna move on now. :) yes i am. and feel happy for myself and him. im sure many of yu are gonna be very surprised by what ive said and feel happy for me. :) everything was special then and will always be. but life goes on. :) time to concentrate on my studies and getting my honours.

yet, now there's still a lobely feeling. what with the chritmas season and seeing everyone spend it with their loves ones.

hope yure happy now. merry christmas.

well, merry christmas sadaf. have a good day on your own.


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/24/2005 03:36:00 pm | Put your comment here

Sunday, December 18, 2005

it was a night out in town again tonight. :) with the hall people this time- sandy,rain,hongying,fran,chengboon,grace and amos came along. had a fun time. the good hing aboutbeing with them is that we're always laughing about things. and never getting too serious. it felt good. going around taking pictures with all the christmas lightings. at that point of time it was fine. now i sense his absence all over again. i wish i could do these stuff with him. sighh.. let go sadaf. let go.

camp is on mon. im not prepared. im quite scared. i wanna really work hard to be in the team. sighh. well,time to go sleep now. really quite tired. which is good. and i want the pics from today!!!!

nights world!


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/18/2005 12:56:00 am | Put your comment here

Saturday, December 17, 2005

today was the slackest day since damn damn long but im so so tired. must be the drinking. pleh. last night was spent at lie rongs room drinking. sth different really. but nice. slept at 6 got up at 2 plus. and off i went to town to meet meng. :) it was nice spending time with her. and honestly there is a difference confiding in her. she listens. lets me say whatever i want to. doesnt impose her views on me. thanks babe. :) the band at indochine is damn good. hats down to them. but why they play sad sad songs?? :( couldnt get him off the mind at all. hence the smoking and drinking. funny how walking down the road in town, we saw this artist posing still- yu know the one at the underpass at shaw, yup.. and he had this cardboard with this- 'yu are completely loved and loveable as yu are' :) how apt. what encouragement. momentarily though. i gotta keep reminding myself.

i wonder who he's bringing. sigh. i wonder whether he's really happy on his own.i wonder so many things. urgh. stop thinking this way sadaf!!!

theres welfare duty tmr..better sleep soon. nights.


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/17/2005 02:14:00 am | Put your comment here

Thursday, December 15, 2005

i dont get why i feel this way from time to time. there's this void tat im trying to fill myself. why dont i feel that happy in the end? everyday, im so busy with trainings and matches that it makes me feel that im fine. that im moving on. but when im free enough to think. to sit down and have some time to myself, i see that void. and i long for him. everyday i wanna msg him, talk to him, but i control myself. i know i shouldnt. sigh. am i moving on? im just leading my life, but am i really happy? on the surface everyone sees me as happy. i joke around, play around. its the only way i can keep from thinking even more and letting people see my misery. but deep down, the most fulfilling, happiest moments are really gone.

everyday i pray i dont have too much free time on hand. so that it prevents me from thinking of anything. everyday i pray that im dead tired. urgh. i hate myself for feeling this way. i should move on and lead my own life in a satisfied manner. ive realised how life can be so complicated and tough when emotions come into play.

one thing i can take away from this is that at least we shared a part of lives together.

baby i love yu and ill never let yu go
but if i have to boy i think that yu should know
all the love we made can never be erased
and i promise yu that yu will never be replaced


update on ih- volleyball was yest. won hall 11. :) didnt play much at all but i dont mind. its such a new game to me!! and softball was today. i just remember my hands trembling really really badly when i was up there batting. heh. quite a feeling. new new game as well. gotta improve on my throwing though. but we won hall 10 13-1. and i caught a ball. :) not damn fantastic la but it was first time k? hehh. :)

time to go have a bath.

yure still on the mind. but im controlling the urge.


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/15/2005 10:28:00 pm | Put your comment here

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

emotional weekend indeed. how could it not be? seeing him, pms-ing, hoping..... sigh. sat night saw me pissed drunk at holland v's eski bar. shots after shots cos i just couldnt get rid of that feeling. what came after was just so so so sad. how could those words come out and mean nothing the day after? why the hope? why the spark of happiness for just a moment? sigh.

then sunday was at east coast trying to forget it all. trying to come to term with it all over again. trying to move away from square one where i was brought back to that morning. and i obviously fell sick from drinking too much. the throat felt really sore. and the joints ached. the head spinned. the nose ran. its better now cos my dear mummy came over last night with porridge and medicine to take care of me in hall. how nice. and she cleaned my room too. :) yayy.

so yest i was so sick i couldnt go for netball ihg training. sorry peeps. softball drained me in the evening as well. had a bball match against hall 5. won 80-0. :) nd netball today was won 60-0. :) hopefully we'll be able to win again this year. :) the only thing keeping me away from everything else- ihg. sigh. but this time around the mind didnt stop thinking. :( one day things will get better.

'what did that mean?'
'nothing..it was just to comfort yu...yu should have seen yourself.'


sigh.


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/13/2005 01:59:00 pm | Put your comment here

Saturday, December 10, 2005

first game of ih netball is over. won hall 14 forty something to 2 i think. not bad but could have been better. hall 2 is really strong. better start training hard. cant bear to even start next week. mon theres ih bball match, netball training, sofball training, hockey training and volleyball training. by the time im done ill be dead meat on mon itself. tues theres ivp netball. urgh. and i need energy for ivp trainings. pleh. todays friendly against hwa chong juts proved how suck i am. urgh.

meeting a11 later. a part of me doesnt wanna go. sighh. reasons retty obvious. a part of me wants to meet him but a part doesnt. i dont think im ready. ill cry. been feeling that shitty feeling again lately. sighh. why cant things just feel right.


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/10/2005 03:34:00 pm | Put your comment here

Thursday, December 08, 2005

its getting more and more tiring!!!!!!!ihg's started. isg is going on as well. played first game of ihg against hall 9 i think for basketball. 54-4. not bad. only could help in defence really. i suck at attacking so i must train hard. netball ihg is tmr. against hall 14. looking forward to it. and i played isg futsal. really really fun! hehh. here's so many things on nowadays. really cant keep up if im gonna go for everything. sacrifices have to be made. trainings are important and cant be compromised either. then theres isg games. missed frisbee today. wanted to play but i was too tired. volleyball and softball's starting next week. gonna be interesting. completely new games. heh. :)

met the netballers on tuesday. was nice. though serious lack of sleep before the bball game. great to meet them. sit and laugh about the crazy times we've had back in rg. best years of my life though highly blackmail material i must add. hehh. im really impressed by des. able to go off to japan on her own!!!wish i could do things like that. everyone's going away and having fun. and im here, in hall training away. in a way i mind but in a way i dont. cos im having my fair share of fun though not in the desired way. :)

when im busy things go smoothly. but when nights falls and its time to sleep, stuff start pouring into the mind. memories flow back. and it makes me sad. sighh. life goes on.


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/08/2005 10:12:00 pm | Put your comment here

Monday, December 05, 2005

im feeling really upset today. dont ask me why cos i dont know myself. ive been tired. really tired. no sleep for 24hrs. but that doesnt keep my mind from wandering to things it shouldnt.
life moves on right? but am i happy? dont think so. im just leading life. trying to be happy but.....maybe it takes time.

funny how when it ends, yure kinda cut off from the other persons life totally. no matter whether yu wanna be a part of the persons life. doesnt work. sigh. and how other people know about him more and are included in his life makes me sad and slightly angry. urgh. im tired but.......

sigh.


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/05/2005 01:53:00 am | Put your comment here

Saturday, December 03, 2005

its been a tiring tiring week. ihg trainings and games itself, and isg are burning my holidays!! so much for looking forward to the hols and meeting everyone. but this will really keep me occupied and take my mind off things. unfortunately this only lasts until fri. sat and sun used to be spent with him. now there isnt those things to do.i could go out with friends. but everyone's getting busy with ihg stuff. and i get too tired to leave the hous anyway. the muscles are aching like crazy. havent been exercising in a long long long while. and now there's training like twice to three times a day. and from the coming week, there's isg netball,soccer and frisbee as well.and and and ihg is starting. woah. really no life. wanna work but no time to work also.

going to work for the standard chartered marathon later.have to be at padang at 330am!!!damn. dont know how ill last throughout the day tmr.

ive no time to meet my friends nowadays. :( met sarah at 11pm at night on tues. eating at pre rouge was soo expensive. :( then on wed, had to make a decision between full house and meeting shena. chose the latter cos i hadnt seen that girl in eons. had a nice time at boat quay talking and taking pics. :) nana, send me those pics. and yes i only met her at one plus in the morning. and got back at 5am. what a life eh. so anyone who wants to meet me, please be free at night!! hehh. and yes, met peter at holland v yest. dinner was good at essential brew. and i love lychee martini! hehh..yup.. chilling at halland v is nice. crowds good, place's nice. :)

its still tough and im still trying. moving on. and thanks to those who've been there, really. even those im not close to and have lent a listening ear. :) its appreciated. even being in tnu away from everything that reminds me of him, sometimes when hearing the firing next to the sch, makes me think of him. everytime im at nie for neball trainings especially. :(

i still miss yu.
time to go eat dinner now..


lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 12/03/2005 09:30:00 pm | Put your comment here


sadaf. 19. rgs-sajc-ntu business. netball.

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