home again after netball training. never wanted to come home. but i dont have the heart to go back hall. everywhere has its cons..but no pros. dont know where to go sometimes.. why couldnt god be fair. why couldnt he make us love people who would love us back so there wont be such great heart pain. near 3 days of bawling like a baby. i told sandy ive never cried so much for sooo long. im so silly. the tears are of joy and sadness at the same time.
after training, the thought of having nth to do and coming home filled me with such an empty feeling.
like my life has no purpose at this point in time. everyone's busy. and my comps screwed and i have no more shows to watch. sigh. when i got home, i sat on the sofa and felt so empty. then this thought just crossed my head- when we were together, no matter how bored i was with him being in camp and all, there was this fulfilling feeling and satisfaction with life. but now, whats there to feel fulfilled about. poof.
i just realised the negative sadaf has resurfaced again. so fatalistic. tsk. she shall disappear for good soon. im very sure once life starts picking up again, things will be fine. i know that.
love is so weird. it never was a game to me. never will be. if yu love someone let him go. and i did. sad thing is that he never came back to me. he went off into someone else's arms all safe and happy. maybe thats why im sad. like im not worthy of that love. there's always that wish that i could turn back time. change what i did was wrong. not have shot my mouth off that fateful day at ps pizza hut. maybe things happen for a reason.
peh was saying how practical guys are. when sth it over, they know its time to go on with their lives and not brood over them. but girls let emotions get in the way. but isnt life just about the emotions we feel? or should it just be about practicality all the time? i wouldnt know.
i cant even cry properly at home cos my dad would see and spout some mean things. sigh.
apart from all this sad emotions, its funny how i went to sleep crying about someone and ended up dreaming a nice dream about someone else. and maybe these other thoughts are the only redeeming factors right now. apart from the fact that sidney and me can be friends now. hehh. yup. and eventhough we can be friends, im trying to keep a safe distance cos i know if i were the other girl, i wouldnt want his ex to be close to him. and its for my own good also la.
i really really hope the indo trip can be funded. i need something to do in my life right now.
time to go spend quality time with the mother. =) i predict tears will flow.
after training, the thought of having nth to do and coming home filled me with such an empty feeling.
like my life has no purpose at this point in time. everyone's busy. and my comps screwed and i have no more shows to watch. sigh. when i got home, i sat on the sofa and felt so empty. then this thought just crossed my head- when we were together, no matter how bored i was with him being in camp and all, there was this fulfilling feeling and satisfaction with life. but now, whats there to feel fulfilled about. poof.
i just realised the negative sadaf has resurfaced again. so fatalistic. tsk. she shall disappear for good soon. im very sure once life starts picking up again, things will be fine. i know that.
love is so weird. it never was a game to me. never will be. if yu love someone let him go. and i did. sad thing is that he never came back to me. he went off into someone else's arms all safe and happy. maybe thats why im sad. like im not worthy of that love. there's always that wish that i could turn back time. change what i did was wrong. not have shot my mouth off that fateful day at ps pizza hut. maybe things happen for a reason.
peh was saying how practical guys are. when sth it over, they know its time to go on with their lives and not brood over them. but girls let emotions get in the way. but isnt life just about the emotions we feel? or should it just be about practicality all the time? i wouldnt know.
i cant even cry properly at home cos my dad would see and spout some mean things. sigh.
apart from all this sad emotions, its funny how i went to sleep crying about someone and ended up dreaming a nice dream about someone else. and maybe these other thoughts are the only redeeming factors right now. apart from the fact that sidney and me can be friends now. hehh. yup. and eventhough we can be friends, im trying to keep a safe distance cos i know if i were the other girl, i wouldnt want his ex to be close to him. and its for my own good also la.
i really really hope the indo trip can be funded. i need something to do in my life right now.
time to go spend quality time with the mother. =) i predict tears will flow.
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 5/30/2006 11:27:00 pm | Put your comment here
