today was farewell assembly..how very apt..it really felt like a farewell to him..what more with the way he doesnt bother about me..sighh..it was a horrible day!!!just teared almost the whole way coz i couldnt see him be happy with everyone when he doesnt seem to acknowledge my presence or talk to me..it sucked..like siting said outside the hall..she was like seeing a total contrast in our feelings-me crying away while he was behind me laughing away with everyone..i couldnt be bothered one bit with farewell..it seemed like the least important thing on my mind..nothing seemed right..i try not to show my sadness but it just surfaces..oh godd..what did farewell mean?nothing,nill,zero..poof..this 2 years just ended so badly..no apologies, no nothing..i remember i once asked him whether this relationship is just like a high school r/s which will be over when sch's done and just kept as a memoryy..and he said no..but heyy,look what's happening now..for all the effort i put into the r/s..for all the faith i had in this..the faith i had in him and our love..he means the world to me..and if he goes,my world goes..i dont want to lose him like this..not over something i feel can be worked out, unless these are just excuses..sometimes i wished i never did got involved with him..i still remember when i began liking him..so?i never did anything about it and i was fine..i was happy with him just as a friend..but him approaching me about it made this 'like' develop into something more..i never thought i could have him but having him now,i just dont want to give him up..i dont want to give up something so close to my heart..but if he doesnt love me what can i do??i wish he did love me..its just so apinful now..everytime it comes to mind i tear..is he even thinking about me noww?does he care what im going through?i wish he did bother..and i dont know if i should even go for the trip anymore..my heart will just ache..being with him right now and knowing this plus the way he's acting towards me makes it seem like we're not together..didnt i say that i just wanna be happy with him now?didnt he agree?then why act this way?always pulling himself away..it makes me feel rotten..like im not good enough..that im lousy..i put up with every mean thing he has said about me these past 2-3 days..im irritating,im stupid,im weak,i need to grow up..the sarcasm..everything..i just took it with a pinch of salt..my pride,my self esteem is all gone..but it doesnt matter..its true that just love cant keep two people in a relationship..but the other aspects have to be worked on..he said it was about compromise,accepting each other's flaws..because if yu love a person,yu'll tolerate all this..and if they are unresolved matters,they can be talked out..mann..i miss him so so much..i wish he misses me too..i wish this r/s could go on..maybe our paths in life may differ in the future but cant we just be happy and enjoy ourselves at this stage?i want to do all these with him..maybe this is just a bit too much hope im giving myself..but hey,if he tells me that he wants to work things out after the a's and see where this goes,ill be the happiest person right now and ill do my studies with no worries..i just dont know..i feel bad having to drag some of my friends into this too..thanks pple..
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 10/12/2004 04:54:00 pm | Put your comment here
