talked to malcolm last night..he's like a big brother who's always concerned about my welfare..called me today also coz i wasnt in sch..thought i was like so upset over the break up that i just couldnt come sch or sth..another day has passed..didnt go to sch coz i was so dead tired i couldnt open my eyes in the morn..went to his house today to complete my stupid dc work..knew why he didnt want me to go over and i understand but i thought i wont get emotional..when i went there, everything seemed rather familiar, comfortable yet distant and uncomfortable..i was in his room doing my work but he never came in to talk to me whatsoever until much much later..found my precious moments box missing..wonder where he put it..wonder where the pillow i sewed is..and the star thingy i gave him..it was weird..i fell asleep and woke up with him staring at me..at that moment i just wanted him to take me in his arms..what the hell was i htinking..it was never gonna happen anymore..and i did most stupid thing at his house..he kept moving away from me.. :( well i asked for it i guess..and i bet he's irritated at me for calling him so many times..sigh..never meant to..just wanted to know stuff..dun be angry..left his house crying uncontrolably..its just the wonderful memories..took back the book that was supposed to have held those words that mean so much to me..saw that book when i stepped into the room..while typing when he was in the hall, i just picked the book up and read it..i just cried..what did those words mean..just in june when he was in aus with his family he said he realised how much i mean to him and that he loves me so so much and that he'll treasure me and he's sorry for being a jerk..oh god..its so painful looking at that book..why cant things work out?bahh..i really wonder what he feels about those words..ive got to get it into my head that it's over..stop having hope!but i love him so much..argh..just stop it..
well i went to study with a friend today after leaving his house..went to bk at parkway and there was this old man there..quite poor thing but he was weird too..kept going around talking to people and also asking others including me for money to buy like milo or fries coz he got no money..but he seemed nice and spoke well..like an educated man..and in the late evening he'll ask someone for a phone to call his daughter to pick him up and the phone will always be off so he'll go home alone by bus..so sad..my friend said it he is there like everyday from morning till night..think his family like doesnt care about him..well,then went to buy some pore pack for my mum from watsons and saw one pore pack for men..wanted to buy it for him coz he got so many blackheads on his nose..but but but...who am i to do this kind of things for him now?i shouldnt..though i really wanted to..then came home and my mum was telling me her sad story..her stupid boss like had a meeting with her and decided to give my mum half day work from now on coz she claims my mum doesnt seem happy..which means less income also..my mum was so sad..i mean its true she isnt happy but my mum never complains..she just does it..and the first thought that came to her mind was that she'd have less money to give to us(her children) to spend..but its only 300 bucks less mummy no big deal..but she was so sad..and it was so sweet that she first thought of us..she came home and cried like crazy..she said she wanted to call me and cry when she was at work but didnt wanna make a fool out of herself..she said she felt like throwing her resignation papers at her boss but she knows that no matter how little the money she earns, she has to be self sufficient and not dependent on my dad who would just use that as an excuse to scold her..and what more she wouldnt have money to give us knowing how irritated and worked up my dad gets when we ask him for money..speaking of money, lent him 100 bucks..wanted to buyy him the orange jersey from the nike shop at queensway with that money coz i know he really wanted it..but really who am i to do all that now..wanted to also get him this big jigsaw puzzle thingy thats framed up for our 1st year anniversary..ordered it already but dont know what to do with it anymore..sighh..and the money it'll cost..where to get from now?poof..and of no use..i dont mind spending money on him if it makes him happy and its appreciated..but now i cant even give it to him coz if i do, he'll probably scold me for hanging on to the past..bahh bahh bahh..i should be going to sleep now..got some econs seminar thing to go for tmr morn at yio chu kang at 730..so nites pple..
well i went to study with a friend today after leaving his house..went to bk at parkway and there was this old man there..quite poor thing but he was weird too..kept going around talking to people and also asking others including me for money to buy like milo or fries coz he got no money..but he seemed nice and spoke well..like an educated man..and in the late evening he'll ask someone for a phone to call his daughter to pick him up and the phone will always be off so he'll go home alone by bus..so sad..my friend said it he is there like everyday from morning till night..think his family like doesnt care about him..well,then went to buy some pore pack for my mum from watsons and saw one pore pack for men..wanted to buy it for him coz he got so many blackheads on his nose..but but but...who am i to do this kind of things for him now?i shouldnt..though i really wanted to..then came home and my mum was telling me her sad story..her stupid boss like had a meeting with her and decided to give my mum half day work from now on coz she claims my mum doesnt seem happy..which means less income also..my mum was so sad..i mean its true she isnt happy but my mum never complains..she just does it..and the first thought that came to her mind was that she'd have less money to give to us(her children) to spend..but its only 300 bucks less mummy no big deal..but she was so sad..and it was so sweet that she first thought of us..she came home and cried like crazy..she said she wanted to call me and cry when she was at work but didnt wanna make a fool out of herself..she said she felt like throwing her resignation papers at her boss but she knows that no matter how little the money she earns, she has to be self sufficient and not dependent on my dad who would just use that as an excuse to scold her..and what more she wouldnt have money to give us knowing how irritated and worked up my dad gets when we ask him for money..speaking of money, lent him 100 bucks..wanted to buyy him the orange jersey from the nike shop at queensway with that money coz i know he really wanted it..but really who am i to do all that now..wanted to also get him this big jigsaw puzzle thingy thats framed up for our 1st year anniversary..ordered it already but dont know what to do with it anymore..sighh..and the money it'll cost..where to get from now?poof..and of no use..i dont mind spending money on him if it makes him happy and its appreciated..but now i cant even give it to him coz if i do, he'll probably scold me for hanging on to the past..bahh bahh bahh..i should be going to sleep now..got some econs seminar thing to go for tmr morn at yio chu kang at 730..so nites pple..
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 8/13/2004 10:59:00 pm | Put your comment here
