filled with a whole lot of mixed emotions right now..yup..fruitful day in terms of studying..did quite a bit of econs and i felt really high and crappy today..haha..was talking so much and making siting and lixin laugh like hell..didnt know i could be funny..haha..it must have been the overloading of chocolate..ate like dunno how many ferrero rocher and that chocolate coated jelly bean thingy..haha..yupp..did market structure and elasticities and demand supply..still got mkt failure,cop and labour for micro..and income employment determination and macro problems and policies!!!so much more..i need to finish at least 2/3 by tmr..will go study myself..wish i could see him tmr..having mixed emotions about this whole relationship..its like i love him so so so much..but i have yet to know why he wants to give this r/s one more shot?out of what reason??sighh..and i dont know whether he's willing to make the effort..i believe i am..why cant he love me the way i love him..he doesnt even msg me or call me the whole day..until i call him and he'll sound like irritated that i called him and ill feel like shit afterwards..i dont even tell that to him coz we'll end up arguing..i keep doing stuff for him..buy him things,pay for his stuff,give him sweet stuff,say sweet things and not one of those things he does for me..i just want a bit of effort..words like 'i love yu' or 'i care so much for yu' or just a small compliment also doesnt come out from him..sighh..maybe its just the exam period..i just watched this movie where this couple started out loving each other so much and into the relationship, they got so caught up in their lives they had no time for each other..and they girl talked to the guy about it and he understood and they tried making things better..and all of a sudden she got lukemia..so sadd..and the guy started giving her more attention and showing her he loved her so much..it meant so much to her..its like the guy loved her so much all this while but nvr showed it and took it for granted..sometimes i wish something like that would happen to me..as stupid as that sounds i really do wish that coz maybe..just maybe yu'll shower me with your love and show me yu love me..and then ill feel happy..its like when i went to his house, he was so nice to me,so loving and it felt good,but after he got what he wanted he seemed to be riverting back to his old self though we had fun that day.. and i was quite pissed off that day with the msges i saw on his phone from clarence..the tone of those msges were so..strong..so anti me..sighh..i never was hanging on to every shred of hope..i didnt know he disliked me..and i dont want pity love if thats what he's giving me..and im not disillusioned by love!!i really love him..not sth i perceive!!!bahh..when i talked to others when we broke up..no one gave me those kind of words..they took on a nuetral tone and told me to do whats right and let things move on from there..no one tried to push me away from yu..that was so irritating..nahh..i really hope he loves me..sigh..gonna sleep..long day ahead of me..wanted to go church with him but he never replied my msg..bahh..well nites..here's to a day with my ming heavy with thoughts..
-im still so much in love with yu-
-im still so much in love with yu-
lifted a burden off her shoulders @ 8/21/2004 10:33:00 pm | Put your comment here
